New Year is a time when we’re supposed to make resolutions – public proclamations about how we’ve going to improve or change ourselves over the coming twelve months. I’ve just had a look at the ones I made last year, and apart from the sit-ups, I actually didn’t do too badly.
This year, I thought I’d try something different. New Year is always a time for introspection, but instead of looking forward, this year I thought I’d look back and try to consolidate the things I’ve learned in the past. Perhaps then I can figure out what resolutions still need to be made.
In no particular order, here are five (quite random) life lessons that I’ve learned, often the hard way…
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1. Life is an adventure. It is full and rich and complex, and therefore, by necessity, parts of it are going to be crappy.
As some of you know, 2012 was a tough year for us. We were bounced around and buffeted by things which weren’t really within our control. But it was also a great year, because Pete, Big Boy, Small Man and I are on a journey together. We laugh, cry, rejoice and mourn as a family. And as I look around at so many of our friends who are divorced and/or estranged from their children, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the loving, happy family life we’ve been blessed with.
As I’m drafting this post, Small Man keeps coming in to tell me about a new game he’s playing, and Big Boy has gone to buy us pork rolls for lunch. We have a sixteen year old who talks to us constantly, and a twenty year old who goes out of his way to take care of us. When viewed in that light, most of the dramas that life throws at us pale into insignificance.
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2. New skills require practice.
I’ve blogged about this before, but I think it deserves to be on my reflections list – simply because it was a lesson that took me so many years to learn.
The flaky pastry dough that I mentioned a couple of days ago is a good example – my first attempt was ordinary, my second attempt much better. In the past few days, I’ve had three more goes at the fraisage technique, and each time the results have been a little more pleasing.
It has taken me until my late 40s to understand that it takes time and persistence to hone new skills. These days, I’m rarely disappointed, disillusioned or surprised when a first attempt goes pear-shaped. In fact, it’s the things that take longer to master that seem to bring the greatest satisfaction.
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3. People can be shy.
This is something that took me ages to figure out. As you might have noticed (or guessed), I’m quite extroverted, and in the past I would often misinterpret shyness in others for arrogance or indifference. These days, when I meet someone who appears aloof, I automatically assume they’re shy unless proven otherwise. And I’ve ended up with some amazing friends as a result.
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4. Contentment takes work.
Philippians 4:11 states, “For I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content”.
Unless a person is gifted with a particularly placid temperament, contentment will always be a work in progress rather than a blessing that falls from the sky. It isn’t something which comes about when all the stars in one’s personal universe are aligned, but rather a state of mind which needs to be actively sought and cultivated, regardless of life circumstances. This is much easier said than done, of course, but I’m working on it.
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5. Relationships matter.
Family, friends, community – these are the things which define us – more than wealth, career or success. A loving family matters more than a fancy house; job satisfaction outweighs salary; great neighbours are more important than land values.
As we get older, our decisions on how and where we spend our money are more often determined by the relationship we have with the provider of the goods or service, and less by the actual dollar cost. We seek out honest tradesmen, specialist providores, ethical meat growers and restauranteurs who truly care about their food and staff. If things cost more as a result, then we simply buy less.
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I’d love to hear your thoughts, if you’re inclined to share them. There is always so much more to learn!
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
well said Celia to no 5 lovely post as always
Thanks Linda! Happy New Year! Unfortunately, the link to your blog still doesn’t work?
Lovely thoughts…just what we expect from you. I hope 2013 is a wonderful year for you and your family.
You’re so nice, Deb! :) I hope we all have a glorious 2013! xx
Wonderfully put, my friend. Am so happy for you that you are part of such a loving and strong family. That doesn’t happen by accident but is something you and Pete have created, together with your boys. x
Thank you darling. I think adversity either strengthens or dismantles a family unit, and I’m incredibly grateful that it’s done the former for us! Hope you and your handsome Pete and enjoying 2013 so far! xx
Well put, thanks Celia. I’m still learning (I’m still here) too.
You’re still learning and teaching, Peter, I always learn so much from you! Thank you! Happy New Year to you and Sparkly Jane! xx
Wonderful post, Celia… my year was a huge adventure, and sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it was all real and that we actually did everything we did. Seems like we ran one marathon after another.
I think my main goal for now is let the past go and let the future wait. Those two things are very hard for me, but I finally seem to understand that THIS is what I need to tackle.
Sally, I’m not particularly good at letting things go either, but I’m working on it. That’s a great goal to work towards!
Yes, wonderful post, agree with all you wrote. Wish I had learned many of those life lessons when I was young. Manage to learn some as I mature and still learning, better late than never.
Norma, that’s the irony isn’t it, that we can’t really learn some things until we’re older and have had enough experience! I hope you’re having a wonderful 2013 – sounds like it’s started really well for you!
Celia I have been shy my whole life and people often misinterpret my shyness for arrogance/aloofness and they couldn’t be more wrong. Oftentimes I will not attend an event because of new people I will have to meet. Although this has improved slightly with increasing age. However I still sometimes wish the floor/ground would open up so I could make a quick exit. I don’t like to be the centre of attention and I do not have the ‘gift of the gab’ but fortunately my husband does and he could ‘talk the leg off a chair’.
Granny, I was fortunate to learn this lesson when I was a lot younger. The first time I met a friend of mine – over twenty years ago now – I thought she was very aloof. It was only on our second meeting that I discovered that she was painfully shy. She’s now one of my dearest friends, and I’ve learned to always presume shyness when people appear reserved at first meetings. And I’m almost always right! :)
Thank you Celia I wish more people thought that way
Lovely post, Celia and your reflections are so spot-on with what is actually important in life. I’ve studied the life of Paul and given all he went through including being whipped, beaten, imprisoned, shipwrecked, falsely accused etc, it is amazing he is able to make that kind of a statement – and then he went on to write two-thirds of the New Testament! What a giant of a man – I am much, much smaller! xx
We all are, Charlie! Lots to aspire to there! :) Hope you’re having a great break, and that we get to catch up soon! xx
I love your introspective posts Celia and agree with every one of course. Being a shy introvert myself I’ve usually recognised that in others. It is said that introverts understand extroverts but not the other way around, so it is most heart warming to hear that you are taking pains to buck the trend ;-)
An ongoing attempt to be more tolerant of others is one of my aims – not easy either, but I am getting better as I get older.
Choc, tolerance is a great aim for all of us! I’ve learned not to put my shy friends in difficult situations, so our get-togethers are usually in small familiar groups rather than big noisy parties with lots of strangers. Which is my preferred way of spending time with friends anyway! :)
Celia I hope this year brings your family blessings, peace and happiness. What lovely life lessons you’ve bought up, and I hope we can all take them to heart.
The lesson I learnt last year was the decision to be happy. Stuff was getting me down and I realised no one else could help me, I had to make a choice. I decided to be happy anyway, even though it’s a huge struggle sometimes.
I’m so glad your boys are such treasures, you and Pete are lucky indeed! Happy New Year sweetie xox
Darling, you’re one of the most positive people I know, and I know you’ve had a rough couple of years as well! I’m so glad we’re friends! :) Blessings for the New Year! xx
Another lovely post from you, my friend. Life offers us constant opportunities for adventure and learning and it’s up to us to take what we can from whatever is thrown at us. We can’t always control what happens in our lives, but we do have choices about how we deal with our circumstances. It seems to me you have learned how to make the most of your lot in life – which I suspect is the secret to happiness. And I wish you much more of it. xxx
Amanda, you’re so kind, thank you! I hope you’re having a wonderful 2013 so far! xx
A thing of beauty — and I’m not referring to the rose, though I could easily have been. No, Celia, I’m referring to your post. Your description of your kids was particularly touching. Through your example, you’ve taught — and will continue to teach — them well. :)
That’s lovely of you John, thank you! I think we learn more from our kids than we could ever teach them! Hope you’re enjoying the festive season! xx
Thank you for sharing, Celia. I always treasure your perspective and common sense. In the journey of life, we change what we can, accept what we can’t and allow God to work without crowding into His space if we are wise. I’m thankful for the blessings of family and friends to travel along with me. Thanks for being a friend. Wishing you the best of everything this year!
Heidi, it’s just the best, isn’t it, to be able to share the journey with loved ones and like-minded friends? All the best to you and Frank and your gorgeous tribe! Much love to you all.. xx
Beautifully put Celia – so true about how important family is. I feel so blessed that our family is still together and like yours, our children (? – they are 18 and 22) still talk to us and are happy to go on holidays and outings with us. Thank you for your point no. 3 – as a very shy person, I find it very hard to make conversation until I get to know you. I am sure that others would find me stand-offish or boring, My dearest friend is one who could see beyond that and I am so glad that she did! I look forward to reading your lovely posts again this year. Wishing you much happiness for 2013 x
Wendy, thank you! All the best to you and your family for 2013 as well! How nice that your children are still happy to go out with you! I hope that continues to be the case for us, but time will tell.. :)
Oh Celia, there is not a word in your post with which I even vaguely disagree! Tho’ a few years older [hmphh!] I truly feel I am but beginning to learn what life is all about, what is important and what I still want to learn and do: and, all the many down times I have had aside, that is such an exciting wonderful prospect!!! Life truly is an adventure in which I have learned to say ‘carpe diem’: ‘yesterday is a cancelled cheque, tomorrow but a prommissory note’! Upon thought I do agree with you about shyness in many we meet: I have been the ultimate extrovert from my childhood as the only child of almost middle aged parents who kind’of treated me as a little grownup from day 1 [actually loved it!]. I don’t think I have so much thought of the more quiet as aloof, as I may have made many a person I’ve met take a step back as they may not have known how to respond to my many enthusiams! Am still working on that one!! DO have a wonderful New Year and thank you for making us think too . . .
Eha, you made me laugh with your mention of “enthusiasms”! That’s how Pete refers to this blog, as my “enthusiasm”! He took the term from a scene in the Wind in the Willows television series, where Toad’s eyes glaze over as he becomes entranced with a new obsession, and Badger deadpans to Rat and Mole, “I fear, my friends, another enthusiasm..”.
:)
I hope 2013 is fabulous for you!
This is a lovely post, Celia. It’s a great reminder to sometimes give ourselves a pat on the back for how far we have come, rather than always trying to change. No 4 particularly resonates with me. I’m learning to be content with what I have instead of always wanting more because I really have a lot already!
Jo, I agree with you completely – we already have so much! Hope the New Year is going well and you’re not too hot today! I wanted to let you know that both the comfrey and arrowroot are growing well – the arrowroot is already in the garden, and we’re looking for space the comfrey (it’s in a pot at the moment). Thanks again for them! :)
Wise words Celia…I can take something from each of your points. Your sons sound like the most wonderful young men.
Thanks Jane! They’re both lovely – unique and different and lovely! Have a wonderful 2013!
Such a lovely, thoughtful post Celia. Like Eha, there’s not a word with which I’d disagree. As Kavey says your beautiful family is not the result of luck but something you and Pete have built. A loving home is worth far more than a million mansions. As for what I’ve learnt, I think perhaps I’ve learnt that life isn’t fair and none of us should expect it to be so. We are so lucky just to be living in this country. I’ve learnt to prize and be fully conscious of those moments I have where I think to myself “happy”, to savour them and not grizzle when they pass. As for understanding life – I think my grave stone will read “Oh, I get it!”
Jan, wise words, thank you! Life really isn’t fair, but as Pete points out, we wouldn’t be allowed to complain anyway, because we’re so fortunate! :) Hope it’s not too hot for you today! xx
What a wonderful and wise post – and to the benefit of us who get to read it. Some of these lessons I have learnt, but many are ones I know to be true on one level but am still coming to truly believe and trust in.
Kari, thank you! I’m still working on them myself! :)
Dear Celia, life certainly has a way of throwing hurdles in the way, doesn’t it. The way we deal with it is what makes us. Happy new year love.
Darling, I know you understand. Lots of love, and I hope 2013 brings joy to us all. xx
Oh Celia, all of your thoughts are so true.
Thank you for inspiring me to resurrect my vegetable garden, converting it to biodynamic…….it’s been quite a learning curve.
Last but not least teaching me to master Pete’s favourite choc chip cookies!
I hope 2013 is a good year for your family.
Elaine, thanks for reading our blog! It’s lovely to chat to you, and I’m so glad someone else makes Pete’s cookies too! They’re a bugger and they spread like mad, but when they work, they’re just gorgeous.. :)
All good advice! Happy New Year to you and your family Celia, Lee.
Happy New Year to you too, Lee! Looks like you’ve been having a wonderful time with your family! :)
Having met the boys, they are truly lovely people but then again, I’d expect nothing but that knowing you and Pete! And yes agree about shy people-hubby is shy and I thought that he wasn’t very friendly when I first met him :P
Oh yes, your man is shy, but so gorgeous, and just so interesting! :)
Wow Celia, so many accurate, insightful truths! I think you’re ready for a public talk or speech on the subject. I really enjoyed reading this, and was sitting on the edge of my seat wanting to hear more of your thoughts.
Totally agree w/ all of them and was surprised especially by # 3. Being a seriously shy person myself, I have always struggled w/ people viewing me as stuck up/arrogant, because of my lack of verbalization, when in fact I’m so daggon’ scared, that the words are stuck in my head and can’t make it out my mouth.
Wishing you a super, duper 2013 :)
XOX
Mel
Mel, thank you for your kind words – I’m sure it can be very tough being shy! Hope you’re feeling better! xx
Over the years I have tried hard to decipher shyness in people as either genuinely shy…or lacking in personality and or warmth. Shy and introverted people are an enigma and I prefer outgoing and open people but do understand people like Melanie who struggle, but it is so damm hard to get to know them!
Roz, it’s worth the effort though – some of my dearest friends are quite reserved. I have to be careful not to overwhelm them! :)
I’m a screaming extrovert too, I can talk to one hundred people and be ready for more. I married an introvert and he’d be just as happy to talk to one person at a party, or not go to a party at all. Introverts need lots of down time and quiet. They do have amazing inner lives for the most part and make awesome friends.
I love your thoughts on learning new things. You have to be patient with your efforts and be willing to make a thousand mediocre drawings to get to a good one.
Here’s to a happy, healthy prosperous 2013! Best thoughts, Maz.
You, my love, are a kindred spirit. But hey, I’ve always known that! Much love to you all! xx
:-)
Older but wiser…I think it takes us all a long time to experience life’s lessons and learn from them. A lovely post from a lovely lady. All the best in this new year to you and your family.
Karen, thank you! I hope you’re all having a wonderful 2013 too!
What a beautiful post. I love that you have shared this with us. May you continue on this beautiful journey with love by your side :)
Thank you, Tandy! Wishing you and Dave all the very best for 2013 as well! xx
Lovely post Celia. I think they are five wonderful life lessons to be had.
Your number 3 made me smile. If you could please write that on the sky for everyone to read and understand, this shy mama would be very happy.
Thanks Brydie! It sounds like you’ve been having a wonderful time with that gorgeous family of yours! Can’t wait to catch up! :)
Beautiful post and from the heart – I really like that. For me 2013 is all about gratitude for the wonderful people who’ve come into my life — many through my blog. I wouldn’t be in the emotional spot I’m in if it weren’t for people like you.
Thanks Maureen! Isn’t the blogging community fabulous? All the best to you for a fabulous 2013! xx
I like your positivity celia – plain and simple positivity get’s us through all sorts of things. I’m still very much learning, in fact I’m re-learning at the moment, we’ll see what comes out of th emix. But I want to wish you a very happy new year my friend, Claire x
Thanks Claire! Happy New Year to you too! I’m looking forward to seeing what 2013 brings in both our gardens! :)
Compliments.Lovely post,loved the verse from philippians,
Thanks Sponge!
Nicely said Celia. I hope 2013 is kinder to you and your family.
I don’t normally make new years resolutions (why set myself up for disappointment!) but this year I am doing a bit of reflecting. I think my goals for the year are going to centre around being more in the present. Contentment, new skills take practice, life is a journey…all these resonated with me in my current reflective state.
Thanks SG! All the best to you and your family for 2013! xx
I have read this a couple of times now and your lovely readers’ comments and wish you and Pete and boys all the very best for the future. Sending steadfast love xx
Thank you, dearheart. It was wonderful to chat the other night! Lots of love to you and B.. xx
Awake early reading this in bed. Lovely start to the day! Nicx
Hello darling! Hope you’re having fun! xx