At lunch recently, my friend Allison said to me, “You’re so lucky to live where you do. We don’t get neighbours like that in our part of Sydney.”
She’s right, of course, we are truly blessed to have the most fantastic neighbourhood community in our little pocket of the Inner West. It’s hard to imagine living anywhere else.
We’ve known Maude and her family for over thirty years (her husband was Best Man at our wedding), and PeteV and I went to university together. Both now live less than fifty metres away, and it makes me ludicrously happy that our children are growing up together.
Dredgey and El have become close friends, lovely Mark mows the lawns for us (bless him), and Michelle and Shaun let me lie on their living room floor when I’ve had a bad day. Jane and Bernie have slotted right back into the village after a stint in the US, and darling June, now in her mid-80s (don’t tell her I told you), would feed everyone on the street if we let her. As I’ve said before, these folks aren’t family, but they’re our tribe. We share our surpluses, look out for each other’s kids, and comfort one another in times of grief.
Yesterday, as I sat on the back deck having afternoon tea with Nic and Liz (and Liz’ gorgeous baby girl), eating a cake that Maude had baked for us, I again reflected on how wonderful it is to live here.
And I suddenly realised that the reason it works so well is this: we live in a neighbourhood where the individuals value the importance of community, and actively work to develop and build on those relationships.
Often, people will buy a house based on how it looks, or where it’s located. When we bought our place, it was a dilapidated deceased estate, without an indoor toilet or shower. On our second inspection, we knocked on Mrs M’s door and asked her what the neighbourhood was like. She invited us in for a cup of coffee and chatted to us for over an hour. We bought the house the following week.
On Gardening Australia recently, there was a segment about a gentleman who had built gates between his backyard and those of his two neighbours, so that he could use their vacant beds to plant exotic fruit trees. His tip for building community relations was this: take a chance, because you’ll never know unless you put yourself out there, but be respectful of each other’s personal boundaries.
I thought this was brilliant advice. If you’re keen to have a social and interactive relationship with your neighbours (and let’s face it, not everyone is), it takes a bit of effort. We’ve always found the easiest way to “break the ice” is with food – when Mark and Mon moved in next door, we met them with cookies and chocolates. Start small – share a little produce from your garden, or a plate of brownies, or a loaf of bread. Who knows, maybe you’ll find others on your street who are as keen to build their neighbourhood community as you are!
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
This deeply resonates with me. We bought into an area we thought would be rich in community only to find it was more small minded and gossipy than anything else. We are now looking to buy somewhere we have found to be a true community, with a warm welcome extended even though we are yet to relocate.
I understand it takes many souls to make a community and not everyone will always get along but I agree you need to be open to the experience.
Sue, I’m so happy you’ve found your future “home”, that’s wonderful! We don’t know all the neighbours well – some aren’t that interested, which is completely fine – but it’s lovely to have a handful of good friends within walking distance!
What a heart-warming post! So lovely to read and to remember that despite some of what one reads in the news, real communities that care for one another are still well and truly alive in lots of places. You’re right though – doesn’t happen without commitment and effort. E x
Elizabeth, I think what’s important is that people value the importance of community. Sometimes folks just aren’t interested, and there’s not a lot you can do in that circumstance! :)
It’s definitely what you make of it isn’t it? :)
Yes and no, I think we have to be lucky and have like-minded neighbours too! :)
Lovely Celia. You in particular are the perfect person to build the foundations of a community. That is the gift you bring girlfriend x
Tania, you’re so nice to say that, but this was a thriving close neighbourhood long before I got here.. :)
How lovely indeed Celia! I wish we had that type of community in our street too. Most of the people here keep themselves to themselves, and don’t even wave back when we try to be friendly :(
When I visited with you, I was struck with how all the people we met on our walk really knew and connected with you. Your whole little area, shops and all, felt like a village where everyone cared for each other. I have to admit I’m jealous. I have tried bribing new neighbours with macarons and layer cake, even lemon tarts…but nothing so far. Maybe I should try liquor? :) xox
We really are blessed, a walk up the street is never lonely! Big Boy refuses to go with me anymore – he says it takes to long to get to the shops and back, because we always have to stop and chat! :)
Great heartwarming post, Celia. I love that you knocked on Mrs M’s door… sounds like something I would do. Yes, I saw that on Gardening Australia and loved it! Nothing better than building a community with your neighbours. Several of mine have become my dearest and most trusted long tim friends. One couple still remembers that when they moved in, I arrived on their doorstep with freshly baked biscuits. Twenty eight years later, even though I’ve moved away, we are still solid friends.
Lizzy, that’s wonderful! I can’t think of anything nicer than moving into a new neighbourhood and not knowing anyone, and having you arrive with cookies.. :)
I am also lucky to have neighbours who are good friends. We watch over each other but never to the point of being obvious about it. If I haven’t seen my neighbour outside for about for a week, I’ll give her a call to see how she is (although I use a different excuse for ringing). She does the same with me. I can’t imagine not living here. I’d be lost without friends. xx
Misky, that’s so nice. You know exactly what I’m talking about! :)
Some of my closest friendships have been formed from living in a neighbourhood where people took the time to get to know each other!
Tandy, it’s so true, isn’t it? And the relationships get so comfortable – we’re often in our pjs when the neighbours pop by.. :)
Yes you are blessed but this a blessing that together you have all created. Such a wonderful and rich environment for your kids to grow up in.
Jo, we are indeed blessed. If nothing else, our boys are growing up with an understanding of what we believe to be good neighbourhood behaviour. :)
The village where we have Casa Debbio is a wonderful community. We have been invited to join in a couple of lunches in the square and everyone dances until midnight…lovely.
Debra, that’s fantastic!! How nice for you!
This post makes me all the sadder about leaving the neighbourhood at the end of the year. Although I do like the idea of knocking on a neighbours house to ask about the neighbourhood before buying a place – I may steal this idea.
Oh hello love, I didn’t realise it was you until your photo loaded! It will be sad to see you guys go, but hopefully you won’t go far.. x
Such true words. I feel so blessed with my last few streets and houses. We talked to our neighbour in her garden before we moved into our inner west house and she greeted us with homemade pâté when we moved in. 7 years we lived there and got to know nearly everyone as they saw us through our marriage, dog purchase and two babies. We had babysitters, dog minders, house sitters, garden waterers, party invites, hand me downs, and life long friends. We still go back for visits ( and especially back to Lets Eat – our favourite local too ) and people come out for chats and many now visit us in our new house in the Blue Mountains. I was worried about the move away from our old street but our new one couldn’t be any more beautiful. One of the best things was being able to put in our main kitchen garden (also a Linda inspired mandala) on the verge outside our house. It is such a magnet for our neighbours but also anyone who happens to be walking past and our friends come and help themselves. We couldn’t have hoped for more helpful and welcoming people and we all work together in a swamp care group adjoining our back gardens. I feel so happy to be amongst them when we shortly welcome our 3rd baby home. It makes me sad when friends know nothing about their neighbours, but yes, it is often the case that people are just waiting for someone to make the first move. Sorry this is such a long post. I have followed and loved your blog for a while and have often thought of comments but this is first time actually doing it, so it has joined together a few rambling posts!
Clare, how lovely to hear from you, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! The inner west really is magical, isn’t it? I’m sure it was hard to move, but it sounds like you’ve found a wonderful new home in the Mountains! We were at Lets Eat just last week.. :)
Beautiful Celia, the world would be a better place if there were more communities like yours! x
Jane, I’m sure people would be happier, if nothing else! :)
Lovely uplifting post Celia. I grew up as one of 3 children, next door to 3 children and when part of the fence fell down dividing our gardens, we left it so that we could all play between the two gardens & houses. It was great fun, if noisy for the parents! Now I love living surrounded by fields but your post is making city living sound far more appealing than it normally does to me. Feel very lucky though that we have good friends with children we can walk across a couple of fields to.
Andrea, it sounds like you have a wonderful “neighbourhood” as well! How lovely to have close friends nearby!
This is a heart-warming post, Celia. I saw the segment on Gardening Australia, too.
We live in a semi-rural area and have been here over 7 years. Although I work full-time and many of the homes in our area are weekenders, I am working hard to establish more of a community. We seem to be making some progress but it takes time and effort to build and unfortunately many people in both city and rural area are not prepared to make the effort to build community – they just want it there and handed to them on a platter.
Fairy, that’s an interesting observation – as I said in my post, I think our neighbourhood only really works because some of us VALUE that part of it – for so many people, it just isn’t important to them. Which is a great shame, as they don’t know what they’re missing out on! :)
Lorraine is so right when she says it is all what you make of it but sometimes the ‘raw materials’ may be missing . . . . Celia, I saw that Gardening Australia segment also and didn’t those beautifully built gates give a great communal feeling! The comment I remember tho’ is the gentleman’s statement that he never enters one of the other gardens without asking ‘may I’ first!! Three lucky ladies and a lot of tropical fruit :D !
Eha, yep, you’re right, sometimes it just doesn’t work because people aren’t interested. The gentleman’s comment on GA was that you had to understand what the rules were – could you just walk into the garden, or did you have to ask first? :)
Yup, you are right and there is a difference: but to me it showed a lovely courtesy and understanding of not taking things for granted, even tho’ those lovely gates were there . . .
It really did, didn’t it? It was such a comfortable, non-intrusive arrangement they had with each other, just lovely..
I’ve lived 35 years in my neighborhood. In that time, I’ve made many loaves of bread and trays of cookies, chicken soup when they are ill, had dinner parties, helped cut lawns and rake leaves- they are happy to have what we want to share- but there is no reciprocation. Most of my neighbors are now in their 80’s- and I’m not expecting them to change. It is not a hostile place, people are friendly and wave when they drive by- but I would not call them friends. I had a friendship with my next door neighbor- we carpooled with our children and shared recipes and prayed for one another- but when she moved several years ago, the neighborhood became very lonely.
I think there is a modicum of magic in having a friendly neighborhood- one person/family cannot always change what has been set in stone.
Your neighborhood is very special, Celia, and it has been so many people working to make it that way. I’m glad you are there- and here on the internet- making it into a friendly place to visit!
Heidi, we’ve never expected reciprocation, but have been greatly blessed to get it nonetheless. Usually we’re just grateful not to have to waste anything! (I do tend to get carried away when I cook and bake!) :)
You’re right though – people have to want a close community, and if that’s not what they’re interested in, then it won’t happen.
I understand- we don’t expect them to give back- it is just that they think I’m a little crazy to keep giving and they really don’t know how to be friends rather than just friendly on occasions. You have a great group of people who want to form relationships within your community. I have people that like to keep distance and decorum. It works- and we’ve never had any of those scary neighborhood vendettas going on- it just isn’t people involved with people.
I know exactly what you mean, Heidi. We lived in an apartment for four years before we bought the house, and our neighbour there used to hide in his apartment if he heard us coming up the hallway. :)
Yes you are lucky! A few things happened in our new neighborhood that we did not care for that much, so we pretty much keep to ourselves. It turns out that 90% of the folks around are retired and seem to devote all their time to making their gardens perfect – almost as if there is a competition going on between the different homes. I have the feeling they would prefer that Phil and I would act the same way, but we don’t have a green thumb and honestly, we don’t have any time to devote to gardening right now. So things are a lot “wilder” in our landscaping Actually the gardening part is not what we did not care for, it’s stuff related to our dogs, long story, better left untold ;-)
oh, well – we love the house and that is all fine. We left dear dear neighbors behind in Oklahoma, so it is a little bittersweet.
Oh Sally, that’s a shame! I hope it improves.. x
lovely Celia! My parents have lived in the same house for 25+ years and have had the same neighbours the whole time. No one in the street ever wants to move! It’s like Ramsay St without the gossip or inter-relationships!
It’s certainly what you make of it :)
Lisa, that’s so lovely! None of us ever want to move either! :)
Lvely post and you are all very lucky to have each other. God bless!
Norma, thank you! We are all very lucky indeed! xx
Great Post! I miss that sense of community and am still looking for it too, not giving up:) Have a Great One
Renee, I hope you find it, because I’m sure you’ll love it! :)
I think many people would love to come and live on your street Celia for that sense of wonderful community…oh and the food ;-)
You’re incredibly lucky dear lady. xxx
Brydie, we love it here! And yes, we’re very lucky indeed! :)
Oh Celia, you’re such a delight, even when you have had a bad day and are lying on our living room floor! And yes, there is a tribe, but you are the leader and the glue, oh bearer of brownies! Michelle x
Good morning darling, did Shaun tell you that I wouldn’t let him in the house last night because he was sick? Oh, I’m such a hard woman. :) PS. Did he like the rocky road? I wasn’t sure about the ginger..
That’s exactly what my mother used to do. When we moved from Australia to Sydney we moved into a street where the neighbours didn’t have anything to do with each other. My mother changed all of that by having me deliver small plates of food and then she’d invite them over for drinks, then we had the annual Christmas drinks at our place, then they put in a pool so all the kids in the street would come to our house every day after school for a swim etc. Like you say, it takes respecting people’s boundaries but making a bit of an effort to be friendly xx
Charlie, your mother sounds so cool! How nice it must have been for you growing up in that environment! xx
You are lucky indeed Celia. I think part of the secret is that some of the people were friends before you enticed them to move into your neighbourhood. Certainly helps that you had a deeper connection and friendship to start with. But in saying that I don’t mean to diminish the amazing amount of loving effort you put into maintaining those relationships. Most of your posts involve some neighbourhood exchange of food! I love it…and am totally jealous!
My husbands grandparents lived in a lovely neighbourhood well into their 80s and 90s. Them living at home worked mainly because of the neighbours. For example, they had a roast meal every week. Having roast involved one neighbour driving them to the shops to buy the meat. Another neighbour would bake it and bring it over for their dinner! Isn’t that lovely? “When I grow old, when I grow old, shall I have such wonderful neighbours…” (apologies to TS Eliot, good neighbors more important than rolled trousers!)
I’d love to agree with you, but June’s daughter just texted me and said, “you summed up the street perfectly, it’s always been a great place to live”. She grew up here, well before any of us arrived. :) It’s absolutely wonderful to have old friends living nearby, we now have four of our closest uni friends and their families all within walking distance. :)
What a fabulous story about Andrew’s grandparents!!
I love you Celia (in the most platonic and appropriate way of course). So much gorgeousness and thankfulness in this one. Xxx
You’re so sweet Ali! Lots of love xx
I like the inner west and the exchange of goods in the lanes. Was just talking another local about how he laughs to see items move from house to house and get put out again until they find their real home. I have found so much good gardening stuff. Pots, half bags of fertilizer and potting mix, half dead plants to love back to life. Inner West is a great place for reuse and re-purpose. Celia have you tried stripping a mattress for the springs? Makes such a lovely bean trellis or support for climbing spinach. Do you have climbing spinach? Mine is seeding. My favourite meet up place is Clover coffee shop on Booth where I am working on the old stable style courtyard out back where the owner is planning mini market activities soon
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Frances, we’d all die of dustmite induced asthma if I tried to strip a mattress! I’m sure it would be lovely growing frame though! Annandale is such a nice part of town, isn’t it?
It says much of you and Pete that you recognized a good thing when presented and you jumped at the chance to move into that neighborhood, Celia. I’m fortunate to have good neighbors, too. It’s very reminiscent of life in the States decades ago, before 2 income families became the norm. A great deal of food and, yes, beverage, has passed over that fence and warm Summer nights will find us having a cool one in one of the yards. Unfortunately, this is a rarity. I can think of no friend that has similar relationships with neighbors. In fact, I bet most of my friends know my neighbors better than their own.
John, I’m so glad you live in such a lovely neighbourhood! Mrs M and all the Italian nonnas in our area certainly taught us as young adults what it meant to be a good neighbour, and I’m sure you would have grown up in a similar environment! :)
You are really lucky to have such a lovely community, Celia. I remember how it used to be when I was a kid back in my home town. Now I live in the city and I barely know my neighbors.
Tes, it’s hard in the city, isn’t it? When we lived in an apartment for four years, we didn’t know our neighbours at all!
As always your attitude is amazing. If everyone was more like you the world would be an infinitely better place. I have lived in an apartment for over 2 years and I know that noone would even know my name. How wonderful would it be if we could have the sense of community that you have. Perhaps this weekend I will knock on someones door and say hi!
Vita, you’re so nice! We lived in an apartment when we were younger, and it was much harder to get to know anyone back then. I’ve never understood why that was. I hope you find a friendly neighbour this weekend! :)
Community, when it works, really works!
I have visions of next time a house is for sale in your street, the real estate agents will be spruiking “community, community, community” with a link to your blog ;)
It was the loss of community we’d built up in the 8 years in our tiny, hot, grimy Darlington apartment that made me cry for months at having to move… a whole 2.6 kms to Erko. At Darlington there were varying levels of acquaintance but we knew each others names and backgrounds at the very least. When we venture over for a coffee, it’s like going home :)
Where we are at Erko, there’s too many apartments, and even though we rent from my sister, we’re “just tenants”, on bare chatting terms with a couple of neighbours… riding the lift helps, and have gotten to know a couple of people in the surrounding streets where we’re regular walkers, through their friendly cats & dogs.
At Taylors Arm, the community is typical of a country village, and I love the “come as you are” attitude, but it can be uncomfortable for those who don’t get that kind of community.
ED, apartment living is paradoxically isolating – maybe it’s because people live so close together that they feel like their personal space is threatened? I think the bigger the complex, the more impersonal it can be (we lived in a huge 18 floor apartment building for a while, and knew not a single soul in it). Country towns are something different again – sometimes the community has been there for generations, so you can be the new kid for quite a while. I’m sure it will be different when you’re there full time! :)
:) Rest assured, I/we fit in fine at TA, but the timeframes vary depending on who you’re dealing with. The G.O. comes from a local family and lived in the village for a while before I came along… I was welcomed & adopted by his friends but it did take a while before some others who knew us less well didn’t give me that “oh, I’m surprised you’re back again” look.
Hehehe…maybe it’s a case of “ooh, she’s STILL with him..”, which I’m pretty sure is what Pete’s family thought every time I went to visit… ;-)
Yep… and I don’t let the G.O. forget his fate if I was to ever not be with him… those mountain women… ;)
I’ve tried really hard to buildup our community around here. We get along with our neighbors wonderfully, but I don’t really know anyone else around. I’m really going to work harder for the later part of the year.
Clare, I’m sure you’ll make it work – how fabulous that you have great neighbours! :)
Hi Celia, I’m new to your blog – was recommened I pop over to check out all your wonderful sourdough recipes. Am making your basic white loaf this morning! So glad I visited and I loved this post. My partner and I have just bought a holiday place in the UK and have started to build some good relationships with our neighbours….it’s a great feeling to have been so welcomed into a new community.
Chica, thanks for stopping by! How fabulous to buy a house in such a warm and welcoming neighbourhood! Hope you enjoy the white sourdough! :)
“take a chance, because you’ll never know unless you put yourself out there, but be respectful of each other’s personal boundaries” such wise words.
Sally, it really was, wasn’t it? When I heard them, I thought..that’s exactly right. All in our neighbourhood are instinctively wary of overstepping the mark – which is one reason they dynamic works so well!
Nice post! I have always enjoyed hearing about your wonderful neighbourhood and your treasured friends, they sound just great :)
What sort of frontage do all your homes have? The built environment plays a part in how easily people get to know each other initially in a road or area, whether one has high fences and walls, or can see each other coming and going and stop and chat as you maybe weed or go about your business. Do you have local shops and places to meet which are not your homes? The English are famously reticent about inviting people into their homes when they are newly acquainted. My sense of community comes mostly from walking the dogs, where I meet many people but it is not the same as the food sharing thing, the dog walkers look out for each other and help make our shared experiences safer and better. We chat about all sorts of things, something akin to the strangers on a train conversations one has. My road neighbours at the moment are all widows and widowers and live in biggish houses on their own. We see one of them all the time, the others are well looked after by their families and we keep an eye out for them, take them to the doctor if they need a lift and so on, have phone numbers for each other. At the back of my house is a lane which is backed on to by a neighbouring street of a different style of house, tall and closer together. We got together with this street and the one on the other side, three sides of a thin rectangle and funded and planned a gate across the lane at the bottom, so now the children can play out there and sometimes we have a get together too. I went out the other day and a new family had put their pet rabbits run out there to eat the grass, which will save us having to cut it!
Jo, you raise a really good point, one I was just discussing with someone today, actually. I think block size is relevant – in an apartment, everyone is a bit too close and therefore protective of their personal space, whereas some houses in other parts of Sydney are so large that people never connect. We have medium sized blocks with six foot fences that give us all privacy, so most of the neighbourhood interactions are intentional rather than accidental, which I think is very nice. We also have good shops in the area with a nice village feel, which also means folks walk to the shops more often and chat when their paths intersect.
Pete’s view on it is slightly different – he believes folks who choose to live in the inner west of Sydney do so partly because the community aspect is important to them, and therefore are more inclined to actively work on those relationships.
I always love hearing about your back lane and how the kids all play out there. Such a nice little neighbourhood space! xx