Small Man…is an elf.
He’s always had an adorkably quirky mind, but we didn’t realise until he finished puberty (and stopped growing) that there was something magical about him.
You see, his clothes never seem to wear out. Jeans and t-shirts might fade in the wash, but they never get holes in them. He’s worn the same jacket for years. His Crumpler bag is clean and unstained, despite a daily commute on public transport.
We first noticed this phenomenon in his footwear. Our youngest son treads very lightly on the earth – innately rather than deliberately. Once he stopped growing out of school shoes, we no longer had to replace them – he wore the same pair every day from years 10 to 12, and they’re still going strong.
Unfortunately, having a light touch doesn’t mean he’s been spared foot problems, and from quite a young age, he’s had to wear orthotics for his collapsed arches. He complained of sore feet while we were in San Francisco, so when we got back to Sydney, I made a time for him to see our podiatrist Richard.
As an aside, I realised when I was booking the appointment that we’ve happily built up a network of support people whom we trust completely. At 51, I don’t need charm or obsequiousness – I just want highly competent, honest service providers who won’t rip me off. We have Richard, Tim the dentist (who talked us out of braces), Andy the Miele repairman, Allan the plumber – the list goes on. It’s a nice feeling to know that they’ve got our backs.
Off we chooffed to the Institute of Sport in Homebush.
We adore Richard, and he was delighted to see our son, whom he’s known since primary school. We were all astonished to discover that Small Man’s orthotics were seven years old.
In a way it makes sense – his feet stopped growing when he was 13, and because he’s an elf, the orthotics never wore out. Richard couldn’t believe it – they were still in excellent shape despite being folded up and transferred from one pair of shoes to another on a regular basis. But it was time for new ones – Small Man’s feet weren’t any longer, but over the past seven years, they had grown wider.
Richard pulled out a special stripey sock, put it on Small Man’s foot, scanned it with his computer, then repeated the process with the other foot.
Then he threw the sock in the rubbish bin.
I squealed in protest.
Our podiatrist explained…the socks couldn’t be washed and used again, as laundering blurred the stripes and made them too fuzzy for the computer to scan. His patients didn’t want to take one half of a pair home with them. Local charities will only accept new socks (they’re classified as “underwear”). There is a man in Perth who will collect, wash and send the socks to Africa for distribution to kids in need…but that adds a lot of air miles and isn’t necessarily the best option environmentally.
I asked him if I could have the ones he had in the bin. He looked at me as if I’d lost my mind (you’d be surprised how many times a week that happens to me), then pulled out four singles and gave them to me in a plastic bag.
You see, I’m desperate for good socks. Unlike Small Man, I’m appallingly hard on footwear – $200 orthotic-friendly boots last a year if I’m lucky, and all my socks have holes in the toes or broken elastic. I blame it on my Hobbit feet.
I took Richard’s stripey pairs home, washed them, wore them, and loved them.
Then I emailed my ever patient podiatrist and made him an offer. If he kept all his used socks for me, I would pick them up at our next appointment and trade him sourdough and chocolate for them.
To cut a long story short, I gave him two loaves of sourdough, a box of dark chocolate dragons and dipped ginger, and a box of milk chocolate feuilletine bark in exchange for all of these…
Now, even though I brought home used socks (I’m so hoping my mother won’t read this post), I was still too Asian to just throw them in the washing machine.
So I put on latex gloves, turned them all inside out, and drowned them in a hot Napisan soak for a couple of hours. Then they went into a 60C hot wash. Then the dryer. They came out perfectly clean…
I’ve arranged to pick up another lot before Christmas – you can imagine Pete’s reaction to the prospect of a house full of socks. If you’re a neighbour and would like a pair of very lightly used stripey socks, let me know (but you’ll have to pop over, as I’m not posting them anywhere)!
Edit 2/12/16: A happy ending to our story – the surplus socks are now being distributed to the homeless via the lovely folks at the Mustard Seed Op Shop in Ultimo. Read more about it here!
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
This made me laugh out loud! But seriously – socks are expensive! I love the deal you have made – bread for socks!
Hi Celia,
I have been reading your blog for a while and really love it! I blog at lusciousandlively.com
I was recently nominated for the Liebster award – which is basically a blogger to blogger award to share the love and tell our readers about blogs we follow. I have to nominate 5 in return. I have really enjoyed following your blog, so I wanted to know if you would like to take part? You would need to nominate 5 bloggers you love and make a blog post answering some “getting to know you” questions I make up for each of the bloggers I nominate. I will be sharing the post next week, if I hear back from all of my nominees.
Let me know if you are interested 🙂 Thanks so much!
Aubrey – Luscious and Lively
>
Aubrey, that’s very kind of you, thank you, but I don’t do blog awards. Thanks for thinking of me though! x
Such a win for everyone! So many socks, all the same colour and size, you’ll never need to search for the other to pair them up and everyone can wear them! Bet Richard was thrilled with his bounty!
No no Joolz, my three men aren’t allowed anywhere near them! We have enough sock confusion in the house as it is! 😆
Good for you! I love your blog and always read it but have never commented before. I’m glad these aren’t going to waste any more. And even happier they are going to a needy home lol!
I can’t believe they’d just be thrown away! Surely they could be washed and donated somewhere if they’ve hardly been used.
Local charities won’t take them – they only want new underwear and socks (in packaging). Hygiene reasons, I think (and understandably so). It does make you wonder what happens to the millions of airplane socks handed out to passengers every year…
People like me take them home and use them for years along with all the other goodies. I still use one of the toothbrushes for cleaning the bathroom and the packs of cards that we got back in 1994. Sadly, the socks wore out.
Hahahaha! I can just imagine the look on the podiatrists face. Still – they look like nice, perfectly wearable socks.
If you end up with too many, maybe you could donate them to a homeless shelter in your city. I read somewhere that underwear and socks are the least donated items and much needed.
That’s the plan if they’ll take them. I’ve already rung a couple of charities and they only want new underwear and socks!
Hilarious, but very practical. Richard must be thinking he got the better end of the bargain!
Sock it to them Celia. I am always looking for socks! Love Marilyn
You are bonkers but gorgeous xx
How fortunate ~ now you can do even more steps on your daily walk, with your feet in comfy new(ish) socks.
Brilliant! Well done you. :)
I love the bit about hoping your mum wouldn’t be reading this. My mother would be the same and in fact despite MY asianesss, I think it would be my Danish husband who would have an issue with them going in the washing machine.
Saving the environment one sock at a time!!
Whoo Hoo, you have done it again and did I ever laugh! I’ll bet Richard though he got the best deal. Different strokes for different folks. You rock!
Thank you very much for directing me to the post on keeping Pris. It is funny we all do different things and still come out ahead. Am sending this on to my dtr along with my system and she can work out what works for her.
AND, I am going to try your method also :))
Eminently sensible Celia, and I’m sure the bread and chocolate seemed like an excellent swap! The Management always said that a perfect arrangement is one where both parties feel they have the best deal and I suspect that is what’s happening here. Enjoy wearing (out) your socks 😉
Great idea! No more missing, mismatched socks for you. They look very comfortable. Socks and pants are things we go through alot at our place. Wish my boys’ clothes held up as good as Small Man’s.
I think those are some gorgeous socks! But I love stripes…. I think a very large proportion if my shirts have stripes…
Loved this post, Celia!
This is awesome! And you can always make stuffed toy sock bunnies or sock monkeys if you get the urge to sew some toys. :-)
Celia, this post takes the cake ( or the bread). I am still smiling at all those stripey socks. The Hobbit and the Elf must get on very well. One treads lightly, the other dreads more heavily. Small man is a handsome young man too.
Fra, your Freudian typo/autocorrect made me smile so I left it! 😉
Dreaded feet!!!! Haha. Typos are good fun in the morning, fasting before a blood test in the grey cold light of another sunless day.
I love that you’re “dealing” socks…pure genius!
The Asian in me so appreciates this post. Win-win for everyone! Well done Celia!
Love this! You won’t have any problems with mismatched/missing socks either : )
good for you, you are my type of woman and lucky small man because everyone knows that elves have very fortunate lives. Lucky Richard changing dirty socks into sourdough and chocolate…now that has to be lucky!
It is said ‘fair exchange is no robbery’! Well, this was and is a wonderfully fair exchange and as long as you don’t mind regular stripes on your feet there sure is a ‘tick’ next to socks on the shopping list :) ! With their history, can’t see charities not being willing to accept these ones . . .
You’d be surprised, Eha. I rang the Salvos today and they said they’re not allowed to take them as they come under “underwear”. I’ve been told Vinnies won’t take them either. I’m thinking sock puppets now. :)
Lol – we have talked before about orthotics. I am somewhere between you and small man. I am *very* hard on my shoes and socks yet when I went for a check up with the podiatrist, he said my 5 year old orthotics were as good as the day they were made. I have narrow feet so fitting orthotics in shoes can be difficult for me. With an eye on Hong Kong and lots of walking, I have just invested in some new sandshoes to the tune of $250. They feel great and I’ll be happy for them when I walk the miles but my wallet puckered at the price!
I’ve bartered a few things in my time (currently exchanging storage space in return for some equipment from a local printer) but never socks for bread! It seems such a waste for those socks to be thrown away and I dare say we’d go into meltdown if we realised just how much of this goes on. It makes me smile that charities only want new socks – I remember the days when they’d give you a well used sock in a shoe shop if you forgot your own and we never gave it a second thought.
Hello Celia, I am laughing and nodding and smiling. You have a very rich life x
You mean it’s possible for a grown boy take care of his shoes? Wow, miracles do happen! What a fun and entertaining story. Love the socks, good to know they aren’t being tossed anymore.
As we would say in Maine, that was a wicked good deal ;)
Love the sock story. You are so good at re-using, and brave for suggesting the swap.
I am so, so impressed with you!!! I was just talking about bartering and this is a stirling example (such a shame there’s not more of it!) Bartering, saving the environment…..not to mention the awesome bread/chocolate swap! You’re my hero! lol!
Hahaha! Thank you, Melissa!
Well done, waste not, want not as my grandmother would say. I think you podiatrist thinks this is a very fair trade. You gave me a morning smile. Your boys are lucky to have such a clever and resourceful mom.