My father was the most wonderful man.
When I was born, he was already a successful architect in Malaysia, living in a big house with four servants. My mother was ten years younger, and she took care of my sister and I while Dad worked long hours as the managing partner of a large architectural firm.
It was an idyllic, relaxed lifestyle, surrounded by friends, family and comfort. But racial tensions in Malaysia in the late 1960s had Dad worried.
One morning he woke Mum up and announced that he didn’t want to raise his daughters in a country where he felt they wouldn’t have opportunities for schooling, so they were moving to Australia. At the time, I was almost four years old, and Cynthia was still a toddler.
And that was that.
Within a few short months, Mum and Dad had packed up their lives and, with no job and nowhere to live, boarded a plane to Sydney with two small children in tow. They went from a big house with maids to a small rental on a busy main road with an outhouse toilet. Mum spoke very little English. Dad, who’d bought a new car to bring me home from the hospital when I was born, caught trains and buses to job interviews. My mother didn’t know how to cook (remember the four servants) so for the first few months, we lived on rice porridge.
Every important thing about life that I needed to know was taught to me by my parents through this single, monumental act of love. I learnt that family is massively more important than wealth and comfort. I learnt that you support your partner no matter how difficult the journey. I learnt how to be brave even when it’s hard. My parents taught me, in a way that words never could, what love and sacrifice and commitment and family really means.
It was brutally hard on my mum. She was only young – in her late twenties – and whilst Dad quickly found a job, she was stuck at home with two small children. It was terribly lonely without the support of her family and friends, at a time before email or Skype or free international phone calls. Mum and Dad would only ring home a couple of times a year – through an operator – at a cost of $12 for three minutes (which was a fortune in the 60s and 70s).
We went back to Malaysia for holidays a few times in the early years. Certainly not often, as it was very expensive, but my memories of those visits are still vividly clear. They were always happy times, especially for Mum, who would visibly relax as soon as we got off the plane. It was years before she felt the same degree of comfort here.
. . . . .
As an adult, I have a great passion for Malaysian food.
I could never figure out where it came from. We always ate Chinese dishes at home, so it wasn’t a cuisine I grew up eating, nor do I cook a lot of it now. But when it’s my turn to choose a dinner venue, I’ll almost always suggest Malaysian.
Earlier this week, I dragged Pete and Big Boy into Broadway for lunch at Spice Alley…
This little inner-city laneway mimics the hawker stalls of Asia, but in a very upmarket way – the cutlery is made of disposable wood, the stalls are cashless, and the vibe is funky. We bought lunch from the Alex Lee Kitchen, paying with a tap of my debit card…
Then I wandered over to Kopi Tiam (“Coffee Shop”) and came back with one of my favourite desserts of all time, an ice kachang. It’s made by adding jelly and flavourings and condensed milk to a mountain of shaved ice (and usually creamed corn as well, although I always ask for it to be left out).
A friend of mine saw the picture below and said…”maybe it doesn’t photograph well..” That surprised me, as I thought it was the most beautiful dish I’d seen in weeks…
For me, it was a joyous dining experience.
My ever insightful husband figured it out – eating at hawker stalls was a huge treat for our family when we went to Malaysia for visits in those early years. It was a time when my parents (Mum in particular) were relaxed and happy. I’ve been seeking to recreate those childhood memories – the smells and the tastes and the shared laughter with extended family – for my entire life.
And indeed, Spice Alley has a lovely, familiar feel to it…
It’s cosy without being claustrophobic, although it’s probably packed on the weekends…
. . . . .
It was a wonderful meal for so many reasons – spending time with Pete and Big Boy, eating food which evoked such powerful childhood remembrances, but most of all, because it made me think really hard about what my parents went through nearly fifty years ago. As a teenager, I was often resentful of the academic demands they placed on me. But as an adult I can look back and understand completely – they had walked away from a life of comfort and ease to give us greater opportunities. Surely it wasn’t too much to ask that we make the most of them?
In the last few years of his life, Dad and I spoke every single day.
“Darling”, he would say, “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing a wonderful job raising my two beautiful grandsons.”
I can’t tell you how much I miss hearing that.
It didn’t matter to him that I hadn’t gone on to be a corporate lawyer or a doctor or an academic. All he cared about, because he truly loved me, was that I was happy. He made me believe that the way I had chosen to live my life was not only good enough, it was the best of choices. He super-boosted my self-esteem every single day and I’ll cherish those conversations forever.
I’d like to think that Dad would look back on his life…on all the hardships and sacrifices he and Mum made in those early years…and think it was worthwhile.
I try to live the best life I can to make it so.
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
My son saw the picture of the ice kachang and said, “Oh, yummy! Can I have some too?” Then off he ran to fetch the ice cream. Lol
Often we don’t fully understand the sacrifices our parents made for us until we are older. A lovely tribute to your parents.
Celia insightful as ever. Your thoughts made me think of my own father who has been dead 7 years. A heart warming reminder.
Our memories of family are so precious and to be treasured, yours that you share here are wonderful. Thankyou for that. I long to try thar dessert with the condensed milk and shaved ice. As an avid fan of cooking shows I’ve seen it prepared a few times, it looks deliciously indulgent. My own memories of parents are also treasured but it’s an odd thing they never praised my achievements or choices. I used to be resentful but I eventually came to the conclusion that they were only acting out their experience with their own parents. It was one of the things I did different with my own boys … their choices are always perfect and I say so. I know they don’t need my approval but life is all the sweeter when there’s accord.
This is a lovely homage to your brave parents. I don’t think those of us who were born here can ever appreciate the incredible leap of faith the emmigrating involves. How fortunate you are to have had this wonderful parenting experience to support you and to draw on. Not everyone is so lucky.
A moving story and wonderful tribute to your parents. I love Malaysian food too and only last night which made Mr T comment that he felt like he was back in KL in Jalan Alor. It is a beautiful cuisine combining so many elements from the past. Spice Alley’s offerings look very good too and now I’m hungry.
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful reflection, I’m glad you’ve found something that evokes such powerful memories
It does take courage to move to another country and it’s so good you appreciate it and write so well about it. Ice Kechang definitely tastes better than it looks!! Thank you Celia
Celia, you are a wonderful writer, besides so many endless other things. Thank you for sharing your life story.
I feel so privileged to have read Celi’s ‘story’ in yesterday morning’s mail, Ardys’ just few moments back and now yours . . . .Thank you Celia . . .
Thank you Celia, I am a little choked up at the moment as your story is not too dissimilar to my own. My parents arrived in Australia with 5 children under 10, no jobs and 300 GBP. Up until my Fathers passing, I thanked them for their sacrifices, at least once a year.
Such a heart warming story about your parents but you left out one really important lesson he taught you. This was how to choose a husband wisely.Girls with good fathers tend, in the main, to choose good husbands. I, too, had an extraordinary father and know that, aside from all the other gifts he gave me, the gift of choosing a good husband was perhaps the most important. My husband and I are celebrating our 57th wedding anniversary in early December and I was very touched when my husband told me that he wished we could repeat every day of the last fifty seven years all over again.
It’s only when we get to adulthood that we understand and appreciate the sacrifices and love our parents have for us isn’t it? Your parents were incredibly brave and strong to make that decision for you girls and how wonderful that they did. You write so evocatively Celia. Sending you hugs xx
Celia, it was so nice “getting to know you even better”, all that you and your family went through, and how things turned out. Your Dad sounded like a wonderful man and your Mom was a wonderful wife. The life you’re living now is a testimony to yourr upbringing. I love this post — and you!
What a lovely post. Let me share something too. My mother in law was Greek. She came to the UK when she was in her 20s as a young bride married to a British soldier. The UK was cold and grey it being November. She could speak some English. She settled brought up three children. She struggled with English food. Contact with her mother in Greece was difficult. My husband says it wasn’t until they could afford to go to Greece when he was 8 and his brother 12 that he saw her completely relax. She especially loved food shopping in the market in Thessaloniki. So you see your story has parallels with ours. Enjoy the food. We all love Greek food! There is something about food and identity isn’t there. Have a good weekend.
What a beautiful bitter sweet post you gifted us with today. Really bought a tear to my eye. My dad is now very fragile and I treasure every moment with him and know that I am very blessed to have both my parents still around and so close by. My dad and I spent an evening alone together this week for the first time in years and we cooked, ate and reminisced together…good times 😀
Totally understand why he would be so proud of you Celia … you are an amazing woman! xo
Choking back the tears, what a beautiful Father to have cared so much for his children & their safety & future to move to a different country & start from scratch along with his entire family ,& support them thru all of life. It takes a lot of courage & love to do that big of a sacrifice, to toss everything he worked hard for until then, discard the luxuries he afforded & start all over again, for the love of his family. Hats off to such wonderful fathers. God bless you & your family.
What a beautiful post! Yes, your parents left Malaysia so that you could have a better life. No doubt that is why my ancestors left France to come to the “New World.” It’s always the same story, fraught with difficulties. People need to remember this, especially many who live in the United States.
An amazing story Celia and it explains much about your generous character, your extremely hard working ethic and ability to seize the day… every day. Thanks so much for sharing this. My Dad and his family left their homeland of Poland but under very different circumstances – as Laurie says above, we need to consider well in these troubled times.
It’s a few generations back since my family migrated anywhere, and I am always in awe of those who leave everything behind to begin again in a new world. The support you mother showed was inspiring. (BTW, was your Dad an architect in Australia too?)
Spice Alley looks amazing! Must go there next time I am in Sydney.
A beautiful post and tribute to your family Celia. Just last night I made your pork dumplings and thought of you as I was wrapping each little dumpling parcel. Not quite as technical as your wrapping but delicious nonetheless. I received a vicious looking package of Derby razor blades on the weekend…more bread adventures ahead x
This is a beautiful tribute to your family and delightfully written. Certainly bought tears to my eyes. The restaurant looks like fun too.
What a wonderfully evocative post, Celia. I so enjoyed reading about your Mum and Dad’s early days (how tough would that have been – I had no idea) and the joyful pic of your dad reminded so much of how I remember him. And you’ve prompted me to visit Spice Alley …… thank you :) x
What a wonderful post, Celia – a very moving tribute to the memory of your Dad. A loving father, who approves of you and loves you unconditionally is a wonderful gift that carries you all through life.
Celia, it is no surprise your life is so full. A perfect tribute to your parents . What a wonderful post. Brings a tear to my eyes as it mirrors my own . My parents at the age of 50 brought me to the States and the only reason was to give me better opportunities than they had. They sacrificed much and I hopefully showed my gratitute in return. Both my parents have passed but a day rarely goes by when I don’t think of them and the life lessons they taught me through their love and endless support. Thanks for sharing such precious memories.
What a beautiful tribute to your parents. I can’t help but think that many Americans are feeling the way your Mom and Dad felt. My parents also left their motherland for a better life, although they had no idea it would be with each other. Their dreams materialized when I got a degree from university and just recently, my brother sold his 60-employee company for an 8-digit number! It’s a shame that neither of my parents would know this. We are just grateful that we had these opportunities, because of their sacrifices. XOXO
Hi Celia, love reading your stories they are always so heartfelt. It’s incredible the sacrifices our parents make, I never fully understood as a child. Love Spice Alley, we go often for a quick dinner on the weekend and I always have sambal pippies and ice kachang, great spot on a nice evening.
What a beautiful post. It seems we never realize what our parents sacrifice for us until we are adults. Your parents sacrificed a great deal exploring a new and unknown future for you and your sister. Thank you for sharing such a thought evoking look into your life.
That was wonderful! Thank you for those memories……….
Your posts are always so touching Celia. I know too well the special relationships between a daughter and a father. Your dad seemed so kind and loving and yes- memories and times to be cherished. That little restaurant also looks so authentic and the food delicious.