I penned this post on Thursday 10 October 2019, which was World Mental Health Day. It’s taken me a few days to be ready to share it here. x
. . . . .
If you’re following our blog for a while now, you’ll know that I have an amazing life, filled with loving relationships and creative passions.
What you might NOT know is that I also have GAD – Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It waxes and wanes with life events (menopause is wreaking havoc at the moment) and on occasion, it’s tipped over into some pretty savage clinical depression.
Until recently, I’ve always seen my anxiety as a flaw, something that I was simply too weak-willed to manage. I didn’t talk about it very much. And then I started to see anxiety manifesting in the next generation of my immediate and extended family, and I began to understand the strong genetic basis behind my anxiety. And I realised that I needed to talk about it more openly, so that I could reassure those whom I love that it’s NOT a flaw. It’s NOT something to beat ourselves up about. It just IS. Once we learn to be a bit kinder to ourselves, it becomes much easier to manage.
As it’s World Mental Health Day, I thought I’d share that with you too.
If you’re an anxious bunny like I am, then I offer you my empathy. I understand waking up with a knot in your stomach for no reason, or overthinking a minor event into a catastrophe. I know that feeling when the worrying gets so overwhelming that you lie in bed and wish you were dead. Honestly, I get it. But I urge you to be kind to yourself – so much has been written today asking others to be kind to folks with mental health issues, but very little has been said about the need to be kind to ourselves.
In a way, having anxiety is like having poor vision – it’s not something you’ve caused or have any control over, it’s just the way you’re made. And like dodgy eyesight, it’s something you can compensate for. Find what works for you – for me, exercise, meditation and a supportive family unit keep things relatively even keeled – but understand that the anxiety is probably going to flare up again at some time. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean we’re weak or stupid or not trying. In fact, I think it means the exact opposite. We’re POWERFUL, because we’re dealing with stuff that so many people can’t even begin to understand.
Years ago, I had a friend whose young son had cerebral palsy (she’s still my friend, and he’s now a strapping teenager). He was high functioning and attending a normal infants school, but he would go completely crazy at 5pm every day. She couldn’t figure out what was happening until a paediatrician explained to her that kids with CP have to work very hard to hold themselves physically upright – something that able-bodied children do instinctively and easily. So by the end of each day, he was completely exhausted and just couldn’t keep it together anymore.
I use this analogy a lot for anxiety. When my anxiety is severe (and please don’t worry, it’s not at the moment), it’s like my cup is full to the brim (not in a good way) and any little thing can cause it to overflow. When this happens, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to function as usual – something that folks with calmer dispositions do without thought – and sometimes the effort of maintaining “normality” completely wipes me out. The difference now (as compared to most of my earlier life) is that when this happens, I try to be kind to myself. I don’t self-flagellate or criticise or get angry at myself. I just try to ease up my hectic schedule, get lots of rest, and wait for it to pass. It always has.
I’m feeling a bit anxious and exposed for having written this, but I hope it helps someone who reads it. If it does, then it was worth it. ♥
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
Thank you for sharing Celia. Don’t be hard on yourself(this is something l have had to learn). We are all in this together:)
A brave, beautiful post Celia. Thank you.
Hi Celia. Good to hear from you. Isn’t it a pity we can’t give the wisdom we acquire over our life to someone young who could use it?
I’m doing my best, Glenda. :) xx
Thanks for sharing
We admire your candidness and bravery.
Thank you for your words. As always, you are an inspiration.
Do you know about the window of tolerance? As a victim of trauma, this helped me to understand why at times I simply can’t cope with people well…here’s a link to the concept.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/window-of-tolerance
Dear, dear Celia, thank you for honoring us with your words of honesty about being with what is for you. It is so helpful for someone like me who has her own issues of unkindness toward self to hear another’s experience. How often I jump to trying offer solutions, for myself and others, before spending enough time in kind understanding and just being with what I am finding difficult. I am so glad always to read your posts. Sending you a virtual hug from California.
Sending you much love.
Patricia/USA
Dearest Celia, What an encouraging post……really. You are Powerful, more so than you realize. Not sure if you realize how far your posts go but I am sending this most encouraging one on to a friend. Love from here, cold rainy USA :)
Thank for being so brave to write and send this I understand perfectly.
I’m not in your boat I have my own, driven like a dodgem car by Mr Toad.
Other peeps dont/can’t understand I realise now that matters not, getting to know ones self and trying to select just what is good for me is what matters. There have been many who just don’t have a clue but they like to give advise sometimes in a nasty ignorant manner. Oh well!
But I know I would not swap places with anyone. Life would be so predictable and boring.
When the black dog bites and anxiety is high I’ve learned to deep breathe and remind myself that it too shall pass.
I wish you well you are a beautiful person 💜💜💜
In saying it how it is for you methinks you have helped so many people reading who may not yet be able to stand up and quietly state their ‘case’. Each and every one of us does everyday battle with something we wish to be different but cannot change . . . . facing whatever always helps, being able to talk about the issue surely is the best restorative . . . best . . .
Thank you so very much Celia!
Your caring helps in so very many ways. xx
Thank you so much for sharing, Celia. It was a powerful post, that makes me remember that we have no idea what many people struggle with in their daily lives. Many hugs xxx
Thanks for sharing Celia. You are such a wonderful selfless person. From reading your blog for many years now, I feel that your whole family is very much the same as you. The world needs more people like your lot. xx
Bless you for sharing this. A thread of depression runs thru our family. I’m not sure if it has truly passed me by or if I have been especially blessed enough to not notice if I too have it. I can say that when I’m tired and anxious my faithful hound always make me forget any troubles. I also enjoy a cup of tension tamer celestial tea now and then that pulls me out of a dark mood. I’ve shared this favorite tea with many people. It is not everyone’s favorite, but I am always pleased to find one more person now and then who raves about it.
Best wishes,
Bonnie
Worth sharing. We never know who our blog words will touch, or how. All we can do, when we’re ready, is send them out there with best intentions. Although not in your situation you made me feel better about my own… we all have them.
Thank you for very bravely sharing your life stories.
In being so brave and open, Celia, you have added to that conversation around mental health that we really need so that those who do go through hard and difficult struggles can know that they are not alone and that there are people who truly understand. You are amazing!
Meg xx
<3
Thank you Celia for sharing and indeed, enlightening us all on this subject. Interesting also is the genetic component. I like your analogy about a too full cup, trying to keep it balanced, how it can easily overflow and how exhausting it all can be. It helps me to understand how you must feel. I hope you continue to find different ways to deal with anxiety. A gentle yoga session with the right teacher can do wonders. Sending love and kind thoughts to you.
Your management techniques work beautifully when applied to the written word, then. Not a breath of the roiling stomach and fluttering brain comes through, so we are especially touched at the trust you’ve placed in all of us by revealing your true state of mind. I don’t think I suffer from anxiety, but I do feel that I constantly over-think, over-anticipate and try to cover all possible bases in life. My personal technique is to say to myself: “Six months. Six months. Six months”. Will it matter in…. Will you remember it in…. Will anyone else care in….? Usually the answer is no, and it helps me let go of some of the stress.
Wishing you well, stay strong.
I have recently found your blog and want to thank you so much for sharing this. I have had mental health problems in the past but like you say I have learnt to live with them and not see them a flaw. My brother is having a terrible time at the moment, his mental health is really not very good at all. It is really hard for us all to support him but I think that having had problems myself it has helped me have the empathy/sensitivity to understand a little of what he is experiencing and what might work to support him through this difficult time. Reading a post like this is wonderful as it is a reminder to me that we are not going through this alone. Thank you for being brave and sharing this with us all.
Celia I was touched by your blog and so pleased that you are being kind to yourself. I think too many of us beat ourselves up when we feel we have let ourselves or others down. I was given such good advice by my late father who told me to admit when I had failed or been wrong but I was not to make excuses as excuses took away my right to fail! We all have the right to fail but sadly the pursuit of perfection is the ultimate thief of time, energy, joy, confidence and gratitude. xx
Indeed a little kindness goes a long way and if we can be kind to ourselves we can be kind to others. An inspiring and brave post. The older I get the more I find that with most people (myself included) you can scratch the surface and find some sort of trauma that they or those close to them have experienced. So I have come to think that there is a lot of fragility in all of us that needs tender care. Best wishes with dealing with your anxiety and the anxiety in those around you!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve lived with anxiety and depression my whole life or at least as far back as I can remember. Knowing that you are not alone helps. “ She persevered “ becomes my mantra when I hit a wall. Thank you👍🏼
Thank you Celia. Although not as severe as your own, I recognize my own tendency towards anxiety. And my daughter has those same sometimes paralyzing symptoms.
Dear Celia, I’m so sorry you have been having a difficult time. I haven’t seen you for so long. I’ve been far too busy to be a good neighbour and I apologise. I would love to see you soon and… deliver the strawberry jam I made for you!!
Margaret, I’m fine, please don’t worry. Just because I have anxiety doesn’t mean I’ve been having a difficult time – it’s just that I do sometimes. I was really just writing this to help others understand. Excited about the strawberry jam, thank you!
Great read and thank you for having the courage to share this often misunderstood condition and, unfortunately, a taboo subject in many cases. This is a debilitating reality for many who can’t get treatment for one reason or another. I’m very happy I came across your writing and I hope this reaches the right people because there is hope, my friends.
Thank you for your kind comment. Sorry, no ads though, house rules. :)
Beautifully written and explained Celia. I wish I had known all of this as a younger person. You are absolutely right that we need to treat ourselves kindly, and pass that information to the next generation who might need it.
Understand the extreme effort in sharing this Celia and sending a big thank you as warm hug. GAD runs through my family too. Menopause playing extreme havoc here also – no one warns you about that bit do they!.
Hi Celia, you have no idea how timely sharing this post is. Thank you for being honest and real.
So glad you did write it…
Thank you for writing this, Celia. Having just been diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression your words are helpful and encouraging.
Your writing is so kind and empathetic and I’m sure has rung true with many. Anxiety has crept up on me the last few years and until recently I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Until someone pointed out the obvious and then I realised I wasn’t going mad! Thank you for your honesty and bravery x
Bravo, Celia! Tremendous post. Loving on you from afar, xo.
P.S. Menopause was one of the craziest times of my life, but it DOES get better. Keep being kind to yourself!
Kim, I agree with everything you’ve said. Bravo Celia for starting this important conversation here… and menopausal symptoms do seem to ease… at least they have in my experience. Hugs to all xx
If only we knew how to be kind to ourselves all along, hey Celia?!
You’re doing all the right things, love.
As a mum and wife/partner, employee or friend, we always try to “be there” for everyone else, which usually means putting ourselves last. This inevitably leads to crash and burn, and it can be so difficult to recover from that situation. Often it takes years.
Rest, meditation, gentle exercise (like a walk by the beach or through a lush park), and quiet time make for the best prescription.
Thank you again for starting this important conversation. xx
So helpful to read. Thank you for such a clear explanation and for sharing.