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In 2019, after three long, hard years, I regained my personal power. I hadn’t even noticed it was missing. In hindsight, my dad’s death in 2015 rattled me far more than I realised at the time.
In 2019, I found my way again. And as we close out the year, I’m feeling strong. As I told my darling niece recently, I finally feel like the person I’ve always wanted to be. It hasn’t, as Pete pointed out recently, made me more likeable. I’m more vocal and opinionated, and often angrier about everything from climate change to social justice. But I refuse to be piss-weak anymore, because I’ve realised how important it is to try to be an instrument of change, rather than simply waiting for higher powers, governmental or divine, to effect change for us.
I also realised this year that, whilst I’ve always had an incredibly supportive family, by some miracle I’ve managed in my mid-50s to surround myself with like-minded girlfriends who are both powerful and empowering. You know who you are and you know how much I adore you. Thank you for uplifting me and enriching my life, and for helping me be a better person.
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt in 2019 has been this: at all costs, protect your personal power. Defend it against those who would try to take it away from you, either directly or indirectly, intentionally or otherwise. It takes practice, but learn to devalue the importance of other people’s opinions of you. Even more importantly though, defend against the BULLSHIT that your own brain will throw at you, which can be far more insidious and evil and damaging. Be alert and watch out for it constantly – especially if you’re prone to anxiety like I am. Get your mental racquet ready and when you see it coming, lob it straight out of the court.
In 2019, I learnt to like myself again. I made imperfect, noisy attempts to live more sustainably, to build community bonds, to get more deeply involved with charitable causes. I tried as hard as I could to better understand the lives of others, which necessitated lots of reading and a steep learning curve. It proved to be the perfect antidote to first world privilege.
Stay strong, dearhearts. Wishing you great happiness and personal power in 2020! ❤️
A heart searching reflection. Your words are so true. Our minds can definitely throw terrible things at us. We always need to be alert and prepared to combat it. I know that holds true for me as well.
Happy New Year!🎉
Dear Celia, a wholehearted thanks for your open sharing. Grief is so many things and not all of it powerful intense emotions; sometimes it’s subtly working it’s way through our being, in the background, but omnipresent, nevertheless. I’m glad it’s moving in a different way for you now.
I’m wishing us all a year of learning and doing and stepping into our sweet spot of personal and collective power.
Go well, Celia, and all.
Bless you for sharing. Have you been reading my diary?
Bless you for sharing. Have you been reading my diary? Of course not it just feels a bit like that. I took my stand about 40 years ago and it’s not easy growing into the person one feels they’d like to be. The opposition from friends, family and that ever busy brain of mine questioning, doubting and ridiculing my thoughts and actions is a constant but one gets on with life as best we can. 2019 has been a good year although the fires on the south coast of NSW are only 10kms from us as the crow flies, we are doing what we can to breathe through the smokey smog. I am grateful for the abundant gifts (home, family, health, husband, time) that surround me,. Best wishes to you and yours Celia may the year ahead be filled with all your favourite faces and places.
“And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.” – Mark Anthony
Stay strong, stay noisy, my friend. xxx
Thank you for this quote! I love it.
For quite some time now I have counted you as good company and a trustworthy ally in this crazy world, and I know I’m not alone in this. I’m sad for your troubles but happy you have found your own way to navigate them and be your wonderful self, and so generously share this with us.
Go Celia, be strong! Keep up the good work I love your blog.
In your reflection, you do sound strong and open and embracing of the change within yourself. Sometimes, it’s a journey to get to that place of comfort with oneself.
I agree that if we sit back and wait for any government, of any persuasion, to do anything, we will be waiting a really long time. Ghandi spoke of being the change you wish to see in the world and, from reading your blog, you have taken many steps to be that change and, in doing so, you set an example that shows it’s not too hard.
All the very best to you in the new year to come. A whole new decade dawning! MegXx
Thank you for sharing, you inspire me. xx
Celia, your thoughts resonate with me, and like you and Sandy (above) I often have to get out the bullshit racquet and volley away criticism from those who hurt me with insolent comments (often for no apparent reason). I try to navigate through life as best I can, and I can sleep at night, knowing I’ve done my utmost to love and honour my family and friends. I have also come to a point in life when I know who I am (whether that’s “power” or just acceptance). May the new year fill you and your readers with peace, love and kindness. Finally, continue to stand up for yourself (it feels good!) and for the causes you are passionate about. All power to you!
Happy New Year Celia! You continue to inspire me more everyday.
Happy new year, Celia, and thank you for sharing your very inspiring and eloquent post.
This could almost be the story of my journey but it was my mother who died in 2015. Power on inspirational lady. 🌺❤️
Go Celia! There’s nothing quite like that coming of age, when we finally become the person we were always meant to be. Best wishes for 2020 (and always) xo
Dearest Celia,
Thank you so very much, for you sharing the journey you travel…
I truly thank the universe for helping me find your blog all those years ago. You have been such an inspiration!!
Wishing you and yours a most awesome 2020 xx
Celia, I wish you an inspirational New Year of 2020, in any aspect. And thank you for sharing your personal experiences , they are so valuable and precious for all of us the read. Your sourdough starter you had send me a few years ago, still produced beautiful home baked breads, I am getting better and better each time. Thank you ever for sharing that with me, each time I am baking some beautiful breads I am thinking of you and thanking you. Much Love to you.
You are an inspiration! Thank you
Happy new year my it be a year filled with enjoyment, happiness and love of all things in life. You ar an inspiration so glad you have found yourself, your beautiful and strong!
I so understand. Sending you much love, and grace.
To healing, and staying loud and proud!
Patricia/USA
All good wishes to you, Celia, for joy and adventure in 2020 x
I found that I FELT this article on many levels. Wishing you the best 2020 possible! Thank you!
You are such an inspiration Celia … and so expressive … I “get” exactly what you are talking about here, and it speaks to me in volumes! Thank you for being you xo
Celia you are a beautiful writer. I read your posts often but have never commented. Thanks for keeping your blog going and i wish you even more strength and inspiration in the next decade. Joy x
Thank you for your honest, vulnerable words! I have so appreciated visiting your blog and feeling a connection, even though it’s only one through cyberspace. I’m so pleased you were able to identify the source of your recent personal distress. So often we need to name the pain in order to learn to live with it and continue to move forward without feeling burdened and crushed. It’s fantastic that you are feeling strong again and ready to start the new year from a position of strength, knowing who you are and what you stand for. Surrounding ourselves with friends who lift us up, encourage us, challenge us, is definitely the way to go – we have to find our tribe! Many blessings to you and yours for 2020 and beyond!
Dear Celia,
Is that really you?!! Great post. So very well said. I love the encouragement you radiate. Your timing is perfect. I spoke out recently to a vendor at a farmers market who sells dried fruit. I asked about his drying process and he said he treats his fruit with sulfur dioxide. I was shocked and caught off guard and Lectured him on the fact that sulfur dioxide is NOT FOOD. He did not appreciate my advice and told me it was accepted practice and went on to inform me of the minor reactions some people have to it. I was livid and realized I had to remove myself quickly so I thanked him and left his booth. (My reaction to ingesting sulphur dioxide is far more extreme than what he described.) My unfavorable verbal reaction to his response resulted in both my husband and daughter walking away.
If more people followed your advice about speaking u maybe use of sulfur dioxide (or phosphates) would not be an accepted additives to our food. I worry for my children and grandchildren for the way our food is contaminated.
On losing your Dad, My heart goes out to you. No matter how long ago it was, you always miss your parents. At least I do. we all get a turn at that feeling of loss. I felt like an orphan. The birth of my grand kids made a big difference and helped me mend.
Beautifully said, Celia. Life’s initiations sure can get the best of us, eh? Not to sound corny, but it’s like we have to go through these painful, anxiety ridden things to take back our power. Otherwise, we wouldn’t know what we’ve lost in the first place.There’s a quote I love and think of often: “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly…” You are as authentic as they come and it’s a privilege being your friend. Onward. xx E
Oh yes, it took me some time but I too made it! Congratulations to you.
Happy New Year!
Wow those are powerful and inspirational words. I am so glad to hear you are in a good place and you really are a great role model. Wishing you a happy new year full of good people and good vibes and good food!
A beautiful refection, a happy new year to you.
Being a better person is a very good feeling
Beautifull post! Be who you want to be and not who other people formed you or want you to be! Live the dream! this is your chapter! I wish you all the best in 2020 and the future!!
Great post dear you shouldnt have to give up on what you always want to see yourself becomes
Great post which I can relate to, very inspiring and empowering 🙂
Celia, these are life-changing words. Powerful inspiration. Truth. Thank you and Happy New Year! xo
Celia, thank you for this inspirational post. Exactly what I needed today . My heart goes out to you with the loss of your father I wish you a Happy New Year :)
Morning Celia
I hope you and your family are doing OK amidst the devastation being caused by the wildfires there. We get them in Northern Minnesota and Southern Ontario in the summer and it very miserable.
Thank you for asking, Randy! We’re fine and not in any immediate danger, but the air has been incredibly smoky. The losses, particularly of wildlife, have been heartbreaking. 🙁
Unfortunately complacency with the environment is rampant. I too have voiced my opinion more often in 2019 and have offended a few. And it’s infuriating because most of our friends who do not recycle,?who choose the garbage over donating have children!!! One would think they might want to save the planet for their own! We do what we can but have a long way to go. I truly wish we had enough sun to make solar panels viable, sadly my solar lights hardly glow this time of year. Thank you for inspiring us. Happy New Year! May 2020 bring you much joy, and continued good health.