Making a “Bucket List” seems to be all the rage these days. For the uninitiated, the term refers to an arbitrary list of (occasionally outrageous) goals one wishes to achieve before “kicking the bucket”.
And every time I read an article on this concept, it makes me uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having hopes and dreams, but the idea of having a set list of things to achieve prior to dying has never sat well with me. I know from experience that life can be very unpredictable, and setting a series of highly ambitious, possibly unattainable goals (fly into space? climb Mount Everest?) might end up doing one’s self-esteem more harm than good.
That’s not to say that I haven’t had some wonderful adventures in my life! They might seem simple and low key compared to those of folks who have traveled extensively, but I’m incredibly grateful for them nonetheless.
So I thought I’d make a retrospective bucket list – I’m still very much alive, and delighted to have already experienced the following…
. . . . .
1. I’ve been madly in love with the same handsome man for thirty years. And he still loves me. Perhaps this is our greatest life achievement, because love isn’t the result of luck or circumstance, but of constant effort and adjustment and giving. We’ve had our share of hiccups along the way, but thankfully they’ve strengthened our relationship rather than weakened it.
After all this time, I’m so happy that my husband still looks at me like this…
. . . . .
2. We’ve had two wonderful sons, both of whom are loving and interesting and kind. When I watch the gentle but non-indulgent way Big Boy treats his girlfriend, I can see how much he’s learnt from observing his father. And that makes me so happy that I could cry. Having children isn’t a part of everyone’s life plan, nor should it be, but I’m incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity to be a mother.
. . . . .
3. I’ve lived in the future! I grew up a dedicated science fiction fan, and desperately wanted to still be alive at a time when doors would open automatically like they did on Star Trek, and we could talk to loved ones face to face on the phone like Jane Jetson. Today, my phone will tell me how to drive to another city, and I can point it at the night sky and know the names of the constellations. Maybe one day we really will be able to teleport from one place to another.
. . . . .
4. I’ve eaten fresh asparagus within seconds of picking it. I have held a warm hen’s egg, seconds after it was laid. I’ve known the joy of sowing seeds, watching them grow, then harvesting and eating the produce. All experiences which might have been commonplace a century ago, but are now rare and precious in our modern city lives.
. . . . .
5. I’ve tasted some of the finest wines in the world, from Chateau Margaux to Romanee Conti to vintage Krug champagne. I’ve sipped a 120 year old Madeira. I’ve drunk Grange Hermitage and Chateau Lafite with pizza (granted, it was very good pizza).
. . . . .
6. We’ve collected a mantlepiece worth of fossils, each one a reminder of how short and transient our time on this earth is. Holding a 240 million year old ammonite or the tooth of a woolly mammoth is both awe-inspiring and humbling, at the same time.
. . . . .
7. We have TYFs – thirty-year friends – whom we’ve been close to for our entire adult lives. Some of them live in our suburb. These friends occupy a special place in my heart – when I’m with them, there’s no need for pretense or niceties, sometimes not even conversation. I’ve shed many tears with all of them – both in laughter and in sadness.
. . . . .
8. I’ve enjoyed some of the “finer” aspects of life – I’ve stayed in the penthouse of one five star hotel, and the presidential suite of another. I’ve eaten at more hatted restaurants than I care to count. And you know what? It’s all very nice, but it’s overrated. If I never experienced any of those things again, I honestly wouldn’t mind.
. . . . .
9. I’ve spent many days sitting in a paediatric oncology clinic, surrounded by sick children and their parents. It certainly wasn’t something I did by choice, but it was humbling and inspiring and perspective-altering and heartbreaking and above all, a great honour to spend time in the presence of such great dedication and courage.
. . . . .
10. I’ve known the joy and satisfaction that comes from making things with my hands. I’ve learnt to cook, taught myself to sew, designed and crafted jewellery and planted a garden. My wise friend Di once told me that her father always said a bricklayer had the most satisfying of jobs, because at the end of each day, he could look at the wall he’d built and see what he’d created with his own hands. I completely understand that.
. . . . .
Tell me, what’s on your retrospective bucket list? What experiences are you grateful for having had during your lifetime, and why?
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
Well said, C.
A good man & two more good men: good job.
TYFs: priceless treasures.
x P.
Thanks Peter. I know you understand! :)
Nice post – I’ve never understood the why of a bucket list – to me, it’s putting the emphasis on the wrong end of living. I think perhaps bucket lists are made by people who suddenly realize that they’ve spent their entire lives wasting it making money – I think the really happy people in this world are those whose everyday energies are spent in discovering what it really means to be productive in the most simplistic of ways – both for others and ultimately for themselves as a by-product.
Doc, sometimes the most amazing things are right at our doorsteps. Literally! We just need to expend a little effort searching them out.. :)
This post leaves me wanting to hug you both. What an inspiration you are to all of us. The best bit is you didn’t intend it to be that way. :)
I have a recipe bucket list but for what to do before I die? I just want to live happy every day.
Maureen, thank you…I’m always finding interesting recipes I’d like to try too! Stay happy, love! x
I share the exact same feeling about bucket list. This was a very thought-provoking post, and comes at a very good time in my life.
Like you, I’ve had meals in four star restaurants, those types of “degustation meals” in which each course is perfectly paired with a wine etc etc. I am glad I did, but it IS overrated. I won’t miss it if I never do it again.
My main item in the retrospective bucket list is definitely my relationship with Phil. I just want us to be healthy and able to enjoy our life together for many many years more.
Sally, you and Phil have such a wonderful time together – like Pete and I, you’re blessed to be able to spend your days and nights together. Long may it last, dearheart! :)
That’s lovely. I wish more people would remember that life is not a rehearsal but a live performance.
A friend once told me that she got out of a depression by listing 3 things each day that she was thankful for. She had a wise psychologist!
Wise words, thanks Pat! And I’m glad your friend is feeling better! x
Wonderful post dear Celia, Blessing and Happiness to you with your family. Mine begins as yours, my love and my son and my Princess… All others are the way of to make an enjoyable life for all of us… Thank you, beautiful lady dear Celia, love, nia
Thank you, Nia! All the very best to you and your lovely family as well! xx
Such a joyous post, filled with love and understanding of all around you. Heart warming.
Misky, thank you! We really are very blessed! xx
Very thought provoking. I share your opinion about bucket lists. Some things on your list are very similar to my own.
I am thankful for my husband and children. I have had many interesting adventures with fond memories. Also travelled a bit. I have great joy in making things with my hands, gardening, etc. The list would be too long to write!
Try to live each day to the fullest; treasure the memories of days past. We don’t know when our race is done.
Manuela, that’s all so true, none of us know how long we have, do we? I lost two friends in their early 40s, and it was a real eye opener…
What a stunning list and what a wonderful idea, i just finished writing a piece that says a similar thing.. our past good and bad is who we are, it is how we learn and should be celebrated and collected.. lovely celia.. c
Celi, thank you! Can’t wait to read your piece, you’ve had such an interesting life! :) xx
What a beautiful post Celia. I love the idea of having dreams and goals and have even written some down. But I like your way much more!
At only 27 I have done some things that I’m so excited about and proud of and I know that there’ll be many more wonderful experiences. I’ve traveled around (parts of) the world alone, I scuba dived on the Great Barrier Reef, I married a man who is my best friend and makes me laugh every day. I’ve lived a life that I’m proud of. And can’t wait to see what other adventures are just around the corner!
Clare, I’m all for having dreams and goals, I’m just nervy about the idea of giving ultimatums along the lines of “my life won’t be complete until I do x”. It presumes we have some control over what happens, which I know for a fact we don’t! What wonderful adventures you’ve already had before you’re 30! :)
Wonderful post, Celia and I agree with Pat above, life is a live performance and, as my father always said, every day is a gift. You are a real gem, and not too many people remember to count their blessings the way that you do. Thank you.
I think I mentioned in a recent post a ‘bucket list’ of places that the love of my life, Peter, and I would like to see in our retirement. Having only ‘found each other’ at the age of 46, we hope to experience travelling to some destinations further afield that time and work commitments simply don’t allow right now.
Like you, I’ve sat in hospitals with a chronically ill child and been to hell and back in more ways than I care to mention. It’s all character building and humbling, as you say.
Simple things, like sharing a beautiful sunrise with those I love, are more important to me than anything else.
Lizzy darling, I hope you get to go to all those wonderful places with Peter in the not too distant future! And I know you understand what I’m talking about, and I’m very grateful for your kinship. xx
Celia, you and your family are just wonderful. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Miranda, that’s so kind of you! Thank you! :)
I loved this post – a great antidote for me to a few items of “life sux” news not belonging to me but to a few people I know. Looking forward is a good thing but there’s much to be grateful for rather than focusing on yearning for yet more… For me, it’s growing old. I lost close family early in life so I value my years (and all they have entailed) and the years of those around me – seeing my Dad at 70 with his brothers and sister not far behind him in age always makes me happy. Having had the privilege of the long lives of my furry-ones. And yes, old friends – we have a 30 year reunion in May but get together when we can anyway. Your #6 is related to one of my best “experiences”… putting my hand into dinosaur footprints in Broome. Lately, it’s been closer to home, making friends with the remaining cygnet/swan in Sydney Park who recognises me on my morning walks, and comes up to me knowing I will have a handful of grass, that if I want it will eat from my hand… I haven’t gotten over the specialness of that yet.
ED, I loved reading about your dad’s birthday – he seems like quite a character! And how amazing that you’ve made friends with the swan! If you ever get to Annandale, pop into Terrific Scientific and have a look at their fossils and minerals – they’re really interesting!
Love this one Celia and a great trigger to look around and appreciate what is here now. Relationships are high on my list but at the moment I am just so grateful to have embarked on my baking journey. It is bringing me such joy and fulfilment. Xxx
Ali, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re sharing your baking journey with me! Tandy too! I’ll often go onto twitter and think..”I wonder what Ali and Tandy are baking today..” :)
A lovely list of thankfulness (not sure that’s a word) Celia and an inspiration for us all.
Life’s a gift and I think it’s fabulous.
Like you, I’ve had some challenges. I’m not saying I would happily cope with those things again, but they’ve made me who I am today – and, really, it’s all about how you play your hand isn’t it.
I’ll never forget one day driving the kids home from school and my son (aged about 10 at the time) was asking some hairy questions about my earlier life. My sweet eldest daughter turned to him and said “I don’t think you should ask mum that – she’s had a very sad life.” Wanting to turn her thinking around, I pointed out that I thought I’d had a very lucky life indeed. And I meant it. xxx
Amanda, what a lovely comment – I’m so glad you’re happy now! Bless those kids of yours – your daughter is very astute.. x
Lovely post Celia.
If only everyone could be grateful for what they’ve got and have experienced.
I so understand what your friend’s dad said about bricklayers. There’s something about standing in the kitchen admiring a loaf of bread fresh out of the oven or picking vegetables that you’ve grown yourself or lighting a candle that you made or wearing a dress you sewed. It’s a wonderful feeling.
Claire, I love watching you in action – making, baking, crafting – and I can feel your excitement with every project! Good for you! :)
Beautiful.
Thanks love x
Your best post yet, to be sure. What wonderful words – they should be framed. I love the image of Pete, and the one of your two boys. You’ve certainly listed a lot of things that others could take for granted, but you’ve stopped to take the time to acknowledge the things others would rush by xx
Wow, thanks Charlie! We’ve both had our share of ups and downs, haven’t we? But we wouldn’t be anywhere without those wonderful families of ours.. xx
Sometimes I visit a blog and the writing just “hits the spot” for me. Yours often does, Celia, I especially loved this writing today. You’ve got the perfect perspective and a life filled with the important people.. and all the talent in the world to create. I think your Bucket list is overflowing with love:)
Barb, writing this blog constantly reminds me of all the things I have to be grateful for. Thank you for sharing it with me. xx
Amen! You deserve to be happy: you worked for that happiness . . . God’s blessings for all the days ahead . . .
Thanks Eha! May God bless us all! xx
Gratitude is the greatest gift and should be on anyone’s bucket list. Well done you.
I know you probably won’t check back to read my reply, but you do know, don’t you, that we wouldn’t have made it through the last 20 years without you? We heart you. xx
I should add:….we are all grateful to know you – as we should be. :)
Hi Celia
Great shot of Pete. I don’t have a bucket list. I don’t believe in them. People who have lists of things they want to do run the risk of dying with regrets (if the list remains incomplete) and regrets are such a waste of time. I am just happy being. I don’t want much these days ….
Glenda, isn’t he handsome? And you’ve summed it up exactly re bucket lists, thank you! :)
He is very handsome, Celia:)
What a beautiful post Celia, so much better than a bucket list! I think I’m going to do one as well with some link love :)
Tandy, I’d love to read your retrospective bucket list! I hope it includes “drove racing cars really, really fast”.. :) xx
Wonderful post, Celia, and a reminder to acknowledge all that we have in Life — experiences & relationships, as well as possessions.
Thanks John! Our lives are so full of everyday treasures – the conversation with a blog friend on the other side of the world, the perfect buratto cheese, the memories of dinners with families – so few of the really important things are linked to our material possessions. And you know that so well, which is why I adore reading your blog stories so much! :)
Celia it was wonderful to read your words. I’m sure many people think the same without ever saying their thoughts to anyone else. Thanks for doing it for us. Today I noticed a golden orb spider with a nest of golden threads just outside my kitchen window. I was so happy to have noticed it!
Christine, one of my big joys with having a garden is that it’s filled with small David Attenborough moments every day. We can sit outside and watch the dragonflies circling, or watch a wasp capture a caterpillar and carry it away to feed her young. Just priceless!
Love the love!
But it’s number 4 that rings true to me – something we share in terms of buckets and retrospection :)
Claire, it’s such a joy, isn’t it? I’m so glad we discovered how exciting gardening can be, but it wasn’t until our mid-40s!
Celia, what a rich and fabulously full life you have enjoyed so far. This is my most favourite of all your posts and if all you had was the way Pete still looks at you, you would still be so blessed.
I think your first 2 photos are magnificent and should be up in your home for you to see everyday.
:-) Mandy xo
Mandy darling, thank you. You are so right, and we’re very lucky to have our Petes, aren’t we? xx
Absolutely! xo
Hi Celia when I read your ‘Bucket List’ post my first thought was the coffee Jack Nicholson bragged about to Morgan Freeman in the movie ‘The Bucket List. Kopi Luwak or civet coffee, refers to the beans of coffee berries once they have been eaten and excreted by the Asian Palm Civet. Please don’t tell me you have tried it…ok tell me :-)
Granny, I’m sorry.. ;-) I have tried it, and it was sublime. And I’m not a coffee drinker anymore, but it was still amazing – mellow and smooth…
https://figjamandlimecordial.com/2011/03/17/in-my-kitchen-march-2011/
Wonderful words Celia which perfectly explain why your life is so rich.
Thanks Jo, both for your comment, and for understanding where I’m coming from, which I know you do! :) PS. the arrowroot is going gangbusters – it’s actually a very beautiful plant. Thanks again! x
What a gorgeous post Celia. I think we’d all benefit from thinking this way some times. I love your list, too – to echo the words above, a rich and fabulous life indeed.
Thanks Kari – we really have been very blessed! x
What an impressive list & what a lovely looking husband you have got there! :)
Such a lovely post to read, dear Celia! I hope you spent a lovely Easter with your lovely faimily! :)
Thank you Sophie! We had a great Easter – restful and family-filled! Hope yours was wonderful too! x
To have a family is the best. On my checked off bucket list is having the opportunity to travel all over the world. Having had art director jobs and chucking it all to work at home and never have to wear uncomfortable shoes ever again. Learning to draw, paint, cook, sing, play guitar. Having books in print is nice as was designing clothes and hats. Being able to make a decent pie crust. It’s all good. <3 Maz.
Maz, you’ve had a chance to play a guitar that was HANDMADE for you! By your husband! And you’ve been to Comic Con! How cool is all that! :D xxx
Yes, Ma’am! I’ve been going to ComicCon for almost twenty years. Andit’s changed a lot of the years. Yesterday my intern and I were playing two ukeleles that my hub built. It was a little bit like heaven. :-D MAz.
Tweeted this but didn’t have time to leave a proper comment but can see from the RTs that even those who don’t know you were touched by this post.
I have never wanted to write a bucket list. If I didn’t complete it before I died, would that make my life less meaningful or full of joy? No. If I complete it all before I die, would it mean there was no point or joy to be found beyond that? No.
Of course, I have dreams and Pete and I are constantly talking about things we’d like to do and experience. The list constantly evolves, not just because things get “ticked off” but because our thoughts and dreams change too.
And sometimes we follow one of the dreams and decide, whooo, that was fun, we want to do it again! Does that mean it’s ticked off or still on the list?
I love my To Do lists to remember the tasks I need to do in life but Life with a capital L is NOT a To Do list.
Also, as you so rightly say, many of the joys of life are the things that would never make it onto the list – a strong and most wonderful marriage to a most wonderful man, rich and fulfilling relationships with family and dear friends, growing our own fruit and vegetables, making our own chutneys, beers and jams… those things have given us huge joy but most would never think to put them on a bucket list, not least because they are cut-and-come-again joys, not one offs to tick off and never do again.
RAMBLING…
Ramble away, darling, you’re a kindred spirit and I agree with everything you’ve said. You raise many good points, but a big one for me is this – so many of the things which in hindsight really WERE the important things in life would never have made an original “bucket list”. And haven’t you and Pete had some amazing adventures, Kavey! Penguins in Antartica! How wonderful was that! :) xx
Yeah, we have indeed. Of course, had we ever made a bucket list, I suspect travel would have been pretty well represented and Antarctica would have been on there.
But so much else we’ve had so much joy from would not have been.
As I say, Life is not a To Do list but a constant discovery of joyful (and sometimes painful) experiences.
I couldn’t agree more about the whole “bucket list” concept, which always makes me cringe. This is the most wonderful thing I’ve read in ages. Absolutely perfect.
That’s very kind, Michelle, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I love your bucket list. Sounds like you have the right thing covered.
Thanks Anna! Having great neighbours should have been on the list! Will we see you sometime this year? x
I’m coming out solo in July and with fam for Xmas!
I also don’t really like the term bucket list, especially the way it has been over used. I like your idea better and I am glad you shared these lovely thoughts with us. I also have done many wonderful things, but it is not always these that you remember most fondly.
Like you, I am delighted with my adult son, and I am so happy that I had him nearly 40 years ago.
Deb, you really have done so many amazing things – including living in Italy – but I’m not at all surprised that your lovely handsome son is your most important life experience! :)
What a great way to look at it. I would be disappointed if this read in any other way. it is so you and so perfect. You have had a great life and your enthusiasm for it is contagious x
Thanks darling, your comment makes me happy, because it lets me know that my writing is honest. I have lots of TYFs, but I’m grateful for all my fabulous new friends too, like you! :)
Such a lovely piece , so inspiring , it’s important to reflect , thank you for sharing this with us and all of your kind words. You are loved xx
Aah, you’re a wonderful friend Dotti. Pete and I love you back, you know that, right? :)
Bricklaying was a past time of Winston Churchill, that says quite a lot.
It really does, Roz! :)
Oh Celia! It’s my favorite picture ;)
This post really got me thinking… As far as bucket lists go, I try to live in the moment each day and to not set expectations on myself. It’s not easy sometimes, but staying positive keeps me grounded! I am grateful for many things in my life. Most of all it would be for my family and their good health. And of course, one of my proudest accomplishments is being a mom. I hope to have a picture of my boys walking side be side one day :) Beautiful post xx Em
Em, it’s really my favourite picture too, because it’s so reflective of our sons’ personalities. Big Boy is very urbane and sophisticated, and Small Man always looks like he’s about to take off into the sky and fly. :) xx
PS- IMK is up :) Have a great weekend xx
Celia you are definitely one of the luckiest and richest people I’m honored to know. Bucket lists are for those who are desperate to put some meaning in their years, but you my friend don’t need too, you have Lived! Live well, laugh often, love much- it might be a tired old greeting card homily, but it’s still so true :) xox
Becca, I could say exactly the same thing about you – your wonderful hubby and gorgeous girls, and you fill your life with so much excitement and enthusiasm. I just wish you lived closer!! x
Me too!!!
WOW Celia, your finest post to date, I loved reading that! It brought tears to my eyes and made me smile at the same time.
You’re right about children, it definitely isn’t in everyones life plan but I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to be a mother. I am now to a beautiful 19 month old girl and she is my world. I seriously can’t remember life before her, its like she’s always been there.
I don’t have a bucket list, I prefer to live each day to its fullest, to teach my daughter something new every day and appreciate the little things, because it’s the small things that count the most.
Lisa, how wonderful for you to have you wee girl – they’re so precious at that age, just as they’re starting to walk and talk. Enjoy! :)
Beautiful post Celia, you have many wonderful things to be grateful for. It is a good reminder for us all to look at our lives and be more grateful x
Jane, thank you! So many wonderful things in your life, I love reading about them on your blog! x
I love this concept so much. I’ve also been wary of making a list of things that might happen when I know how life just sends me off on unexpected tangents.
And your retrospective bucket list is full of wonderful experiences. What really shines through as important in your life is love and creativity – I think you have your priorities in the right place. And I just love number 3 because often I feel like I am living in the future of my childhood too – who could have believed that we could carry so much in such a small device as our phones!
Johanna, it really is remarkable, isn’t it? I’m always astonished by how fast technology is changing – it takes an agile brain to keep up and I’m not really very good at it – but I do find it incredibly exciting! :) x
I think this may be your best post yet Celia. It’s been a joy finding out a bit more about you. What a treat to see a picture of Pete and he looks to be a lovely man. I’ve seen various bucket lists around and about, but hadn’t sussed why they were so called until now. I think I prefer your retrospective one – life very rarely goes according to plan I’ve found. I’ve had many amazing experiences in my life and hardly any of them were planned ones.
One of our highlights was our year wwoofing and hitchhiking around Australia and New Zealand – the trip was planned, but the experiences weren’t. I learnt a lot on that trip, about the good and bad in people, about different cultures and different environments as well as about permaculture and social living which was the main point of the trip.
Choc, I wish I’d known you when you were here, we’d have had great fun! And thank you – my Pete is the loveliest of men, but he’s especially good to me. Compared to that, every other experience I’ve had pales into…not quite insignificance, but certainly less significance. :)
Thanks Celia, I haven’t read the comments, but just wanted to say how lovely it is to read the things that you are thankful for, and reflect on as less important than the world makes out. Even in trials it is good to perceive the blessings and you do that. Thank you.
Vix, thank you! The hard bits make us appreciate the good bits even more. xx
This is a wonderful post, Celia!! You are such an inspiration! I have so many things to be thankful for but mostly take it for granted. After reading this I will be more thankful for the things I must be thankful for! :)
Zirkie, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it! xx
A very good reminder Celia – you are such a wise person. Beautiful list.