Sometimes, I feel driven to put words on paper (or the digital equivalent thereof), but I can’t get them out in the right way. When that happens, a piece of writing can stew in my consciousness for quite a long time, waiting for my brain to disentangle it enough so that it reflects what I truly want to say. This is one of those posts.
There’s been a lot of discussion over recent years about the concept of “paying it forward” – where someone performs an unsolicited act of kindness for a person, who then reciprocates by doing the same for another stranger. That’s a noble concept – there can never be enough kindness in the world. My personal take on it though is slightly different.
Eighteen years ago next week, our Small Man was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma Stage 4S cancer. He was three months old with a golf ball sized aggressive primary tumour on his adrenal gland that had spread all through his liver, which had in turn grown to three times its normal size. By the time his cancer was finally gone and we’d endured a brutal but necessary treatment protocol, I’d come to some conclusions about life.
Firstly, life is short and unpredictable and finite, and you can blink and your world can be turned upside down in a heartbeat. We try to be as ready as we can for the unexpected – we provision funds, put our affairs in order, manage our health – yet nothing prepares us for the really big stuff. All we can hope to do is cushion the impact a little.
Secondly, our Small Man is still with us. We were given an enormous gift from God all those years ago which we can never repay, so I try to pay it forward. In my own way. I give, I share – not randomly or just for the sake of it, but with friends, loved ones, my community, the boys’ school, those in need, and those of you kind enough to read my ramblings. I’m smart enough not to let people take advantage of me, but by the same token, I don’t keep track – there’s no ledger of checks and balances in my head. I’ve baked an oven full of bread, would you like a loaf? I know I give you one every week, but I like doing that, and I hope you enjoy it. I absolutely don’t expect anything in return from you. Life is short and unpredictable and finite, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to break bread with you, both physically and metaphorically.
Thirdly, I’ve learnt to be grateful. If I ever had any preconceived notions that I was entitled to certain things in life, four years of watching our son tied down and screaming inside nuclear imaging machines took those away. Instead I found myself incredibly grateful for the kindness that the technicians showed him, their distress and empathy for his distress, their competence, efficiency and gentleness, and their attempts to minimise his discomfort as much as possible.
And I’ve since become acutely aware of small kindnesses – the smile when I’m handed a takeaway coffee, the extra effort the delivery man will make to ensure my wine doesn’t sit in the sun, the friend who remembers a birthday, a husband who greets the new morning with a loving kiss. I no longer take the little things for granted, and when life doesn’t turn out the way I’d planned or hoped, I don’t rail against the universe in anger. Because hoping and planning is one thing, but believing we’re entitled to a certain outcome is something completely different again.
I’ve learnt to seek contentment rather than stuff, and to find excitement in the minutiae of life. A visiting heron in the backyard is hugely exciting, especially when the photos show up the intricate details of his plumage, and we get the opportunity to watch him hunt. I’ve experienced the joy of making things with my hands and the satisfaction of finding clever solutions to everyday problems. I give thanks daily for our loving, fascinating sons who never put their breakfast bowls in the dishwasher, especially when I realised that that’s the only complaint I ever make about them.
Today is Thanksgiving in the US. We don’t celebrate it here in Australia, but it seemed an appropriate time to reflect. After all, we have so very much to be thankful for.
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
Dear Celia, thank you firstly for sharing your beautiful and touching thoughts on this… thank you also to the angels who took care of your small man so that he can still be with you… And, true, those small kindnesses make such a difference… oh, if only I could wave a wand and make some people understand this more… perhaps then my own boy might have an easier time of his life with a chronic illness. Blessings and thanks lovely one xox
I hope he’s ok Lizzy, always hard for us mothers, isn’t it? Lots of love xxx
My American roots thank you and say to you, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I practice your kind of paying it forward by being present and grateful, and sharing whatever I have to offer. My favourite Thanksgiving toast is: “If the only prayer you ever say is ‘thank you’ that will be enough.” –Meister Eckhart
I think that’s such a wise way to look at life, Ardys! Thank you! x
Thank you for your moving story & insightful post. Best wishes to you & your family. And even though you’re not American–Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you – I hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Thank you!
Beautiful post Celia.Thank You.
Thank you for taking the time to read it! :)
I simply lack the language skills to say more than the warmest ‘thank you’ for passing on your thoughts . . . but I could not possibly mean that more sincerely . . .
Thanks Eha.. xx
My godfather told me that contentment and companionship are the greatest blessings. It is good that you have found both.
So true Meg! Thank you! x
Thanks Celia. I need to be reminded of all of this regularly and I am grateful I can learn it from you rather than having to learn it the way you did. Much love, Jo.
Jo, I’m so glad you got something out of it, that makes writing it all the more worthwhile. Hope you have a lovely and not too hot December! xx
People have been paying “it” forward, backward and all around out of gratitude and plain simple generosity since before “pay it forward” became a label. They did, do it because as you do, it’s what you do. It’s hard to consider what else would you could you do…
Although Australia doesn’t celebrate it as one of our national days I’m pleased Thanksgiving has a global profile and seems to have retained it’s original authenticity of sharing and caring :)
Your family’s own personal story is inspiring.
Thanks ED! It is nice that Thanksgiving never turned into a commercial gift giving thing. But then again, there’s Black Friday sales! :)
Love you!
Ditto, lovely neighbour! xxx
Your attitude to life shines out of every word you write Celia. It’s a beautiful way of looking at the world. I have never had to face what your family did and it’s so good that small man must now be a big man. My attitude to life has changed so much over the past few years l hardly recognise the person l was before. Gratitude is sorely lacking these days. Why is it so many have no thanks for others and no thanks for what they have already. Life is made so much richer with gratitude and it doesn’t cost anything:)
Thank you! We’re all incredibly fortunate, especially those of us who live in the first world!
Beautiful and wise Celia x
Thanks dearheart.. xx
Thank you. Some beautiful perspective that I need.
D, you guys are so gorgeous and so young – it’s lovely following your photos and seeing what a glorious time you’re having! xx
Beautifully written. I truly can understand your thankfulness and gratitude towards life as we have just gone through 8 months of cancer treatment with our 23 yr old daughter. We all have so much to be thankful for as every day is a gift. Blessings to your small man and your whole family.
My very best wishes for you daughter’s continued good health! It’s never easy but I hope you’re over the worst of it now…
Thank you for your beautiful post, Celia. Very moving and inspiring!
Thanks Claire!
Very touching and well written post, Celia. Sometimes it is hard to be thankful when things look bad, but we must be thankful even then.
Manuela, that’s the big life lesson, isn’t it? Learning to be thankful even when things are grim.. xx
nothing like holding the hand of a critically ill tiny tot to give one a true insight of what is important in life and yes, ‘thank you’ says it all, to gifted medicos, their staff, friends, and God who permits some to walk out healed. So yes continue to give, in the end it is all we have.
Too true, Robyn!
I am forever and always glad that you are my friend. One of my favorite thoughts is that life is like a jewelry store where someone snuck in and changed all the price tags. The things that we should value we don’t and we too often spend all our time and energy on things that don’t really matter. Wishing you all a peaceful holiday from the other side of the world, Maz. <3
You’re my lovely kindred spirit on the other side of the world, Maz! Hope you and the WonderHub and that handsome dragonslayer of yours are all well! xx
Every word you found was the perfect word Celia – I agree with Jane, “beautiful and wise”. On the subject of giving thanks and Thanksgiving – my youngest nephew just posted on facebook from the USA the first photos of his first born child, a chubby-cheeked cherub named Nora (Eleanor) and he says “we couldn’t be happier or more grateful to have this chubby-cheeked Thanksgiving turkey in our lives”. !!!
How wonderful for him! Such a lovely old name Nora, but I never knew it was a shortening of Eleanor!
G’day What a beautiful post that touched me today! Thanksgiving is a very special day here and there is always something to be thankful for each and every day! Thanks for brightening my day! Cheers! Joanne
Thanks Joanne, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Celia thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts for Thanksgiving. Have a loving Thanksgiving Day.
Thanks Cornelia! :)
Well dear girl ,I know you aren’t looking for it but I give thanks for the day I stumbled on your blog.
You’re very kind, thank you Rose! :)
Wise words Celia. I’m reading this just after listening to the news that the young Australian cricketer Philip Hughes has died after the freak accident on the cricket pitch. That news and your words make me count my blessings this morning.
Such sad news – life really IS short and finite and unpredictable, sadly…
A profound reflection on the things that truly matter.
Thanks Francesca. Hope you’re having a good weekend filled with delicious bread! x
Your beautiful words moved me to tears., Bless you and all your family.
Thank you darling Tanya! You know, I think of you every time I use one of my Spanish cazuelas. Every single time! I hope we get a chance to sit down for a coffee one of these days…
Thank you for sharing in this post Celia. Sometimes a situation reminds you of how important it is to enjoy ‘ the small stuff’. It would be better not to have to suffer those situations but when things get better it is made clear how good life really is. Have a great day – lots of great days.
Kim, thank you, it’s really amazing how much excitement the small stuff holds! When I used to sew, I remember being thrilled beyond words by a perfectly topstitched seam.. :)
What a wonderful post. I love your take on life.
Can’t wait to see you, Deb! Sooo looking forward to it! xxx
Celia your blog continues to be a wonderful oasis for me and I am sure others that are soothed and reassured by your take on paying it forward. Thank you.
Madge, it has been such a hard time for you. Know that I’m thinking of you and your family. Much love xx
Bless you all xx
Thank you my darling friend! xxx
Beautifully expressed Celia. Hugs and love to you all.
:-) Mandy xo
Thanks lovely Mandy! xxx
Much love to you, my friend. xx
And to you, dear, lovely Misky! xxx
You truly are an exceptional human being Celia. These are such touching and inspiring words. What you all endured I can’t imagine. Love to you all.
Sally, thank you for always reading – I know how very busy you are. Much love xx
Beautiful words and a reminder that life is precious and to be thankful for good health x
Nancy, we have so much to be thankful for, don’t we.. :)
Inspiring post Celia. Thank YOU.
Thanks Jennifer, hope you’re having a wonderful weekend! xx
Blessing and Happiness dear Celia, amazing writing. Thanks and Love, nia
Thank you Nia! I hope all is well in your world! xx
What a beautiful soul you are, Celia. I wish I knew you in person although in many ways I already feel I do thanks to your beautifully expressive writing.
Chris, that’s very kind of you, thank you! xx
Thanks for a beautiful post, Celia. I wouldn’t wish your experience with small man on anyone but your reminder that we need to value the moment and be thankful benefits us all.
We’ve had one of those years where events beyond our control stopped us in our tracks – not as bad as yours, and we were in a supporting role for one event.
And yet we can look back on the year with thankfulness for many blessings and have remembered that this life is not a rehearsal. We need to make the most of now.
Thank you again.
I *have* been worried about you and yours, darling Pat. I hope everyone is ok. Best wishes for a festive yet restful and uneventful remainder of the year.. xxx
Like everyone else, I don’t have much to say except thank for everything you give to us all.
Thanks Beck.. xx
Hi Celia, Great post. I have had a blessed life with none of the hard times experienced by many which makes me even more aware of the need to give thanks. Everyday, I try to be aware of how lucky I am and what a wonderful life I have.
Glenda, you and Maus are so wise like that, good for you! xx
Lovely post. I wish we were neighbors. We’d be good friends, and I could give you bread.
Thanks Mimi! :)
AAAARGHGHGHG! Osteospermum daisies! The scourge of my life BUT a lesson in acceptance and thankfulness as well. Along with the agapanthus that I used to despise, I am learning that everything works in its place. I spent the first few years of living on Serendipity Farm (back when it was still called “Highfield Gardens” as IF this tangle was a garden! ;) ) trying to pull out all of the osteospermum daisies. I tried so hard to eradicate them but they kept coming back in the billions. Over the duration I developed a grudging admiration for something that kept on coming back with the determination and fortitude of the common cold. I now allow them to coexist with me. I still twitch at a wide expanse of them but I know that they are acting as ground cover, keeping tenderer and precious plants protected and the bees appear to like them so we have reached a truce. Thankfulness is all about reaching truces and knowing boundaries and being aware of your blessings and learning to count them. I think that’s why I keep coming back to your blog, because you “get it”. Now I know why you get it. Going through something as traumatic as you guys went through hammers home the fragility of life. We all take it so much for granted but it is so very precious. I just wish it was as easy for us humans to live in the moment as for dogs. I watch Earl snuffling around the same mailbox he snuffled around yesterday on our 5am walks and he is totally invested in his snuffling. Never mind that he gave it his all the day before, THIS urine, is the most precious of all…thank you for being someone real with whom I can connect and for being who you are. I give thanks that I get to read blogs from all over the world that show me that humanity really is a wonderful and interconnective thing.
Ha! Is that what those daisies are called! I love them, but Pete refuses to let me plant them – he says they grow like weeds. I think the purple and white ones are the prettiest things ever and I can’t stop myself taking photos of them with their almost velvety purple colours. And I think the same thing about chickens. It can’t be easy to be a chook, but I reckon it’s pretty easy to be one of ours. And they’re always in the present – they seem to notice everything and worry about nothing.. :)
Our chooks are ninja assassins. They hide in the osteospermum (aka Marguerite) daisies and leap out at unsuspecting lizards, bees etc. We feed them top quality free range grain but they are more interested in the garden where everything must taste SO much better as they hoover down their weights worth of “garden” every day. I just open up their coop in the morning and let the assassins out and they spend the rest of the day being indignant at each other and fighting over who gets to eat the lizards. We noticed 2 of them in the neighbours garden yesterday but she has told us she doesn’t care. I care…they are likely to hatch out another batch of babies in the comfort of her garden and bring them home! EEK. It would be lovely to do “chooks” on a smaller scale as then they could be herded in the directions that we wanted them to go in but here, with 4 acres of freedom, our lot have reverted to velociraptor ninja’s. They were out grazing with a small wallaby this morning. This place is nuts! ;)
Thank you for writing this, Celia, we all need to stop and think about our blessings in life. x
Thanks for taking the time to read it, Jeannette! x
Dear Celia, I am thankful for the day I happened to stumble upon your blog and have been reading it ever since. I am also thankful for all the inspiration you provide me with. Thank you xx
That’s very kind of you, thanks Ania! :)
i read your post yesterday celia and i was at a loss for words..i came back this morning but i’m still struggling..love..x
Darling, I understand, I wasn’t sure I could find the words to reply to some of these comments.. xxx
Good morning Celia. Your beautiful post yesterday has touched me in so many ways. After a horrible Easter, (Mary, my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer), we are all looking forward to a healthy and blessed Christmas and New Year. As you said, in a blink of an eye your whole world can be turned upside down. My family and i are truly grateful for all the little things in life now. This has put many things into perspective. God Bless you Celia, and your beautiful family. I was very lucky to have met you many years ago and to be able to read such important moments in your life. xoxo
Oh hon, you guys have had such a hard time. I’m SO glad Mary’s ok now, and hope you all get to have an absolutely joyous and relaxing Christmas! Lovely to find you again on IG, hope to see you guys soon. Much love xxx
Thank you – and we remember you too :) 18 yrs ago hey – wow! I am so glad that you remember ‘us’ fondly and I thank you for sharing your thoughts – what you wrote is what we hope is portrayed to all the families we ‘help’ although we often aren’t sure if this is apparent or not because everyone is caught in the moment. Your words are why I’m still here 18 yrs later – slightly older and hopefully more wiser – helping families and kids through some really rough patches of their lives.
Rest assured this will be shared with the whole team and thank you again to the whole family especially you – and just quietly we miss your baking too! :)
Cheers Justine
I honestly don’t know what we would have done if you and the rest of the Nuclear Medicine team hadn’t been there, Jus. Thank you xxx
Dear Celia, judging from the amount of comments above you resonated with many people. After two years of serious health problems, including two close brushes with death, I have learned to live life just as you described in your post. Life is too short and I’m eternally grateful to still be here. I thank and welcome each and every day.
Judy, I’m sorry to hear of your health issues. Best wishes for an easier 2015 for you.. xx
Celia – thanks so much for writing this – as you know, this resonates strongly with my experiences during Miss B’s early and very bumpy start. It also articulates exactly why I had 35 people in my garden yesterday to celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia – because life is unpredictable and there are no guarantees, and a day that is all about being grateful for what you have and sharing it with those you love over a meal is a day that I am going to celebrate, no matter where I am. I wish you could have been there too – consider yourself invited for next year! :)
Nancy, I’m glad Miss B’s going well now! And what a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration, I’m sure it was fantastic! xxx
We have been through a similar hell with my husband so I totally understand your sentiments. I sweat the small stuff so much less these days. And I do my best to help others. I think it the recesses of my mind I think it will keep the wolves at bay though I know it doesn’t work that way. Thanks for your beautiful words.
Sadly it doesn’t work like that, wouldn’t it be wonderful if it did? I hope your husband is doing well.. :)
Oh you gorgeous thing Celia, what a wonderful outlook on life. Having an attitude of gratitude is not always an easy thing to cultivate, especially during hard times and it’s even easier to ignore when circumstances change for the better. I’m sorry you learnt this through such a difficult journey, but what an inspiration you are to the rest of us with your great big heart. I’m sure your son is a daily reminder to count your blessings- even when he’s being an annoying, typical teenage boy :) xox
Becca, thank you darling, he’s almost never annoying, neither of them are. They’re unusual and unique, but hey, we like that. Hope your house is in the full Christmas swing – I’m sure it would be by now! xxx
Wonderfully put! It is easy to get caught up in the whole mememe thing but we really, truly are so fortunate to have our health and family. Some people have so much less than we do and are content.
Thank you lovely.. xxx
Thank you. Your moving post has reminded me of all I have to grateful for including 10 months of medical treatment this year. I too have lots for which to be thankful.
Sherri, that’s a long haul! I hope you’re on the mend.. x
Amen Celia! Our youngest was born with a major heart defect and after numerous hospitalizations had open heart surgery when he was 4. That kind of experience does put a lot of things in perspective. We are spending our Thanksgiving day without him this year but that is because he is a junior in college on his way to spend his next semester in Sweden. Grateful for so many things, not the least of which is your wonderful voice from so far away.
Lynne, how wonderful that he’s doing so well and off on his own now! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! xx
Such a beautiful post, Celia, and its philosophy — YOUR philosophy — is one that we should all follow. Imagine that world! :)
Thank you dear man, you’re always so generous and I love being able to chat to you from the other side of the world!
Thankyou Celia. This was just what I needed today! Yesterday was a day where I came across meanness, today you reminded me that life is how we look at it. Love you, Ali xxx
Ali, your gift brought great joy to our dining table yesterday, thank you!
What a beautiful post, Celia and you certainly have a wonderful attitude. I didn’t realise your small man was diagnosed with cancer at such a young age – what a horrific time that must have been for you all; so worrying. And your generosity is so infectious and I love your attitude towards being grateful and noticing all things great and small like the heron in your backyard xx
Charlie, thank you! I like to think of it as “our” heron, since he seems to be spending a bit of time with you too! :)
Thank you Celia.
Thank you for taking the time to read it, lovely Clare.. xxx
Thanks for reminding me to look at things another way. I often overlook what I have and only see what I don’t. Thanks once again for pointing it out x
We all do that, hon! But we really do all have so much, don’t we! :)
Beautiful writing and sentiments. So happy your little guy is still with you.
We lost our first child (who had profound disabilities) as a one year old and it certainly helped me sort the sheep from the goats in terms of what matters and what doesn’t. It also made me acutely aware of the turning of the year, the cycles of birth and death in the natural world (especially my garden!) And, as you say, such experiences make you more mindful of moments of beauty and wonder in the world. All the best to your family. Nicole
Oh Nicole, that must have been brutal, I’m so sorry for your loss. We feel very blessed to still have our Small Man with us. As you say, it’s amazing how such life inverting events can change how we view everything. Best wishes to you all. x
wonderful post , God bless your little man and keep him healthy. Love reading your posts. Some people are blessed to learn what’s important and are grateful for small pleasures.
Thanks Paul.. x
I’ve had to read this a couple of times Celia and each time I read it, it’s more beautiful and something that I could read every day as a reminder to give thanks every day, not just one special day. This is such a personal and moving post since I spent years with one medical issue after another, each seemingly more dire than the last until I was diagnosed with cancer. That does seem to be the trump card in all things medical but I guess all that I can say to you is, that I would rather have it be me than my child. I cannot begin to imagine watching a child (anyone’s) have to deal with this. I truly admire you and your family’s strength and spirit after dealing with this and coming out the other side winners.
As for paying it forward, I think people who really have it in their hearts have always done this as just part of who they are – as you say without score keeping or expectation of rewards. Frankly I’ve been getting tired of the people who do it and brag about it trying to get on Youtube or whatever. I think once it got a catchy name it ruined common courtesies that we all love.
If my memories from Sunday School serve me correctly, I remember there being an imperative to “give quietly, so that your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing”. I’ve never been great at that – I love the look of excitement a loaf of bread or a tray of brownies can bring to a friend’s eyes. But it has never been a thing to brag about, because in all honesty, the pleasure I get from it is greater than the recipient’s. One day you and I should have a looong chat over coffee or at least email – I doubt it would surprise you to know that it’s hardly been smooth sailing over the years. But we’re happy and contented and close. It’s hard to ask for more than that!
Thank you so much for reading my post, even as I was writing it, you were one of the people whom I knew would instinctively understand. xxx
I always get the sense that you’re so happy to give to others Celia and you’re right – part of the enjoyment is knowing you’ve helped bring a smile to someone else. Yes, some day we really should each sit with a cup of coffee & have a chat. I have a feeling we may have walked some of the same rough roads in our lives but you just keep on walking & wait for the nice surprise just around the bend.
Just beautiful and oh so true Celia. I passed your words onto a friend who has a son struggling with Ankylosing spondilitis (just turned 17) and she smiled and gave me a hug. She could really relate, especially to the cereal bowls!
Thanks Maree. I hope your friend’s son is managing ok.. xxx
This is beautiful. And it is so true. So happy to hear about your healthy little man. This is a gorgeous post Celia. Thank you for writing it. Sometimes we need to read something like this to remind us how lucky we are. You really have a wonderful gift for writing Celia.
Nagi, thank you so much – this post took a very long time to write, and I tried to be as honest as I could be, both with the reader and myself, so it means a great deal to me that you (and so many others) were kind enough to read it. x
I just came across this blog post of yours from last month and I really love it. So well and simply put how we learn that we are not in charge or in control when tragedies happen in our lives and we learn to be grateful for everything instead of entitled to anything. I am still working on that in my own life. I have found that my faith in God is the center of all that I am grateful for and that my belief that He knows what is best for me is of huge comfort in times of trial especially.
Thanks for the article!
What an amazing post, thank you so much for sharing it, Celia. Every word you’ve written is so true and I completely understand your drive and your emotions. Thank goodness for your Small Man and for our families and our lives xxx
Thanks love xxx