I’m sitting at my dining room table making Christmas decorations from vintage crystals.
And I’m thinking about Selma.
My beautiful friend passed away on the 4th July this year. Ten days later, my dad was in hospital. I’ve been so emotionally raw from losing Dad that I haven’t had a chance to write about Selma until now.
Last December, I packed some of my Swarovski earrings and Christmas decorations into a little box and sent them to Selma in London. Her handle on Twitter and Instagram was Diva Sparkle and oh, how she loved shiny things.
She was a true kindred spirit. We would message each other regularly, chatting about life and family and our views on the world. Very early on in our friendship, she told me about her cancer. I knew it wasn’t a good prognosis – she’d been in remission for over a year when it had returned in an aggressive, secondary form. By the time we met, she’d already lost a small section of her spine to bone cancer.
But Selma didn’t want sympathy. I understood that completely. Sympathy, so often well intentioned, allows our difficulties to define us. Selma refused to let that happen. She was resolutely upbeat, enjoying every moment she had with her beloved son Jake and her very dear friends.
At the end of last year, I sent her some of my Priscilla sourdough starter. We had the most glorious fun that January. We exchanged bread photos, scrutinized bubbling bowls of starter, and raved like excited mad women as Selma turned out the most incredible loaves. She took to sourdough baking like a duck to water – I’d never met anyone who mastered it so completely from the very first loaf. But then again, Selma was seriously smart. She was always finding a clever way to tweak a recipe, or turning a technique on its head to produce a better result.
We would chat about our wonderful sons, help each other choose outfits for special occasions, compare the weather in our different parts of the world, and discuss how we lived our lives. And occasionally we’d share our troubles, because that’s what a complete friendship entails, but it was rarely negative or dismal. Our conversations always centered on how fortunate we were, and how much we had to be grateful for.
When times were really hard, we would just hold each other’s virtual hand. A week before she died, I messaged Selma. I knew she’d been in hospital a couple of weeks prior, but I hadn’t heard from her since she’d been home.
Darling, she said, I’m really terrible. I’ve never felt so sick in my entire life. We agreed that she needed to call an ambulance. She’d barely kept any food down for a week.
Selma, I’m scared, I finally confessed.
It’s ok darling, she said, please don’t worry, just think positive thoughts. I’ve just had a severe reaction to the new meds.
I knew it wasn’t true, and I knew she knew that too. But the only thing I could do from the other side of the world was to keep her company while she waited for the ambulance. So we pretended everything was fine, and we talked about Jake and Small Man and their upcoming exams, and we laughed about how different it had all been when we were at school. I sent her photos of Big Boy and Monkey Girl, and told her funny stories from my uni days. I said that once her medications were sorted, she’d be able to come home and eat the chicken soup we both loved so much.
Then I told her about a post I’d written the previous week, inspired by her amazing attitude to life. And I told her I adored her, and we said goodbye. She texted the following day to say she was in hospital. I never heard from her again.
Our final conversation was one of laughter and joy and love. Those forty minutes of texting and virtual hand holding felt like a gift and a privilege. I later heard that Selma’s best friend Alex flew in from South Africa when he’d heard that she was in hospital. Apparently he’d arrived and immediately made sure all of Selma’s affairs were in order for her, and that Jake would be well looked after in the future. I have trouble even typing that without crying, because that was always her major concern, making sure Jake would be okay. I can’t imagine a more powerful final act of love than one which enabled her to die in peace.
Farewell, Diva Sparkle. Thank you for the laughter, and the conversations, and for your continued inspiration. I miss you very much. ♥
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
Such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman, taken far too soon *wipes tears* xxx
Thank you for sharing this Celia, I fondly remember a few of us all sharing our bakes on twitter when we were all learning. I imagine it was difficult to write but a lovely tribute to Selma xxx
What a beautiful post and what an amazing friend you are, Celia. I’m sure you brought Selma incredible comfort. xx
A friendship where you can voice your fears for your friend like that is so ‘complete’ and full. How lovely to see a reflection of who she was in those sparkling crystals. XX
A fitting tribute to someone who was clearly a brilliant soul. May she sparkle forever in your memory.
Isn’t the internet the most amazing thing? For all the horror stories there are sparkling friendships like yours and Selma’s, more precious than all the jewels. Thank you for sharing. x x x
I think about her frequently. Tho we ‘met’ only the year before she passed, she was so generous of spirit I easily liked her, and never guessed how sick she was. It is true that one doesn’t want sympathy in that situation, one wants to be treated with kindness but in a normal way, because what you really want is for life to just BE normal again. Tho you know it may not be. So glad I had the pleasure of knowing her for a little while. Thank you for honoring her precious memory. xx
Beautiful tribute, Celia. I didn’t know Selma, but your post has brought tears to my eyes. It’s been a tough year for you, losing loved ones. Friendships like these are precious jewels indeed. Thank you for sharing xx
You honour your friend well Celia, the love and camaraderie is evident in your recipes and memories. Long live Selma
Oh Celia – what to say. I was connected to Selma probably through you – I’m not sure how the threads of internet connections bring us all together sometimes. This is a sincere and glorious tribute. It says so much about your own generous spirit as well as hers. There is a black hole where there used to be sparkle with Selma gone.
It also reminds me of Barbara Harris of Winos and Foodies who was similar in spirit – it was a shock to hear of her death in 2010. I made a Pinterest board of her last project here https://www.pinterest.com/mycustardpie/a-taste-of-yellow-livestrong/
What a beautiful post Celia. It’s a blessing to have you in my life, so I know Selma felt the same. You touch many people with your kindness and genuine friendship. Be blessed today and everyday xx
The story of a lovely friendship with a truly lovely lady, and a heartbreakingly sad loss 😞 xxxx
What an incredible privilege to be able to be there for Selma at such a time. That is also a very heart wrenching and scary thing too. You are a strong and thoughtful person Celia and a wonderful friend. You always think about other people and have nurtured your friends along with those lovely boys of yours xx
So sad Celia but such a thoughtful, beautiful tribute to your friend x
Isn’t is wonderful to have special friends? She will always be with you, and how lucky she was to have you with her when she needed you, even though you weren’t physically there.
Celia, what can I say? This post is such a lovely tribute to your friend. I did not know her but can see from your words you had the most amazing friendship. It is hard when someone you are so close to dies but it is always a blessing to have someone like that to remember. Bless you Celia. x
Celia, this is a beautiful and loving tribute to your friend. I have no doubt she valued your friendship very highly and that it made a huge difference in her life. I’m so happy that her son’s needs are taken care of.
Celia, it’s all a bit spooky but I have just baked Selma’s wholemeal sourdough loaf with poppy seeds today and it is fantastic! My loaf even looks like Selma’s picture. I have never baked any of her recipes before. I will be trying more now though.
She sounds like a wonderful friend. What a sad loss. Thanks for your words.
Jan
Thanks for sharing a beautiful heartfelt story. What a privilege for both of you to have shared this friendship across the oceans.
What a beautiful tribute to Selma who sounds like she was an amazing lady. Lucky you to have shared a friendship with her, lucky her for the same reason x
I am reading you post and feeling sad to hear of the passing of Selma. Thank you for posting this, I learnt of Selma’s blog I think through your blog, she was a lovely lady, I really enjoyed Selma’s blog. I tried a few of her recipes and still have more yet to go. Glad her son Jake is taken care of.
A beautiful post. Distance and time are no barrier to true friendship. Anyone who is lucky enough to have you as a friend is truly a lucky person!
What a beautiful and fitting tribute to our Dear Selma. Gone, but will never be forgotten. So glad you were able to be with her virtually during those crucial moments before the hospital.
Beautiful. Absolutely a most amazing tribute. Selma lives on in beautiful memories. We never allow our beloved to disappear. May God grant you serenity. I am thankful you have written of her. You have a beautiful heart. ☕️❤️
All those things and most of all the technology that allows us to develop a relationship as close as sisters. I am sure that being able to lie quietly and txt with you as she waited for the ambulance was one of the best periods in her life.. Just trusting that you would stay there .. that must have been such a joy to her.. Poor you! You have had a shit (sorry mum) of a year.. c
Many people complain about the effect the internet has on life now. They need to read this post and feel the friendship that can be built online. Cherish your memories Celia.
I am here, fighting back tears, and at the same time smiling because as I get ready to comment, I see themateriallady said EXACTLY what I had in mind… people who complain about the net connections should read this post and realize it opens the doors to amazing interactions, pure love!
this was a very special tribute to a super special human being who left us way too early
Oh Celia, yes, fighting back tears, but that was SO uplifting. Love, me
Beautiful tribute from a beautiful woman.
Celia, I can see your tears on my screen. What a beautiful tribute to your precious special friend, whom you shared all of your both life events, baking bread and so much more. Those wonderful memories will always stay with you and at times they will evoke smiles in your face and heart. Thank you for sharing
Celia, your year has been sad and difficult . Both people you lost loved and cherished you as you did them. Time changes all. Vale Selma the beautiful lady. Take good care Celia you really are a gem and she saw that in you. xx
Beautiful – you, Selma, and your friendship. I am a little overwhelmed by this post. xx
What a wonderful tribute to such a warm hearted person. I can’t even imagine worries she shouldered while being so sick. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt story with Selma.
A beautiful tribute Celia. Memories are one thing that is left when a friend or loved one passes. You have beautiful memories of Selma. I baked a few loaves in her memory. I came to know her through your blog and she was a lovely person. I had tears in my eyes by the time I finished reading your post.
Such a sad post – I’m crying just reading it! She must have appreciated your friendship so much as she clung on to life as best she could. I’m sure you boosted her spirits a lot by not only your friendship but also by giving her a new interest in making her own sourdough. I’m so glad she had a friend from South Africa to be with her during her final week. What a year you’ve had, Celia; so much sadness xx
Friendships like these are so precious and such a rarity it makes it all the harder when they can no longer continue. Selma was an amazing food creator and inspired many of us IMKr’s with her creations. How could anyone not love your stunning crystal creations? I certainly do! Knowing someone who ‘gets’ you is a priceless offering in times of need. I have no doubt Selma felt your love wrapped around her.
What an amazing tribute to a wonderful woman, though I would expect nothing less from you. You are an amazing woman who has had a very rough year. I can only imagine the sheer joy you must have brought to Selma whether it be sharing your sourdough passion or helping her wait for the ambulance. The internet isn’t all as bad as people say it is.
Celia, your loving tribute to Selma was so touching and no doubt difficult to pen in the wake of these past four months. But the sparkle from her multi-faceted life will continue to shine by being “remembered” and you did it beautifully. xo
Lovely heartfelt tribute… from you I would expect no less. The comments also are tangible evidence that our blogging community is amazing.
You’ve written a beautiful tribute to your friend, Celi. I’m sure it didn’t come easily. Still, how fortunate that you both could spend some time “together” before she passed. May your friend rest in peace.
I’m crying. Beautiful people make beautiful friends. I’m glad you had each other. Lots of love x
I always cry when I see tribute to Selma. She was an incredible human being. She was a very good friend. She will continue to sparkle in our memory.
Celia, too much loss in a short span. May there be none in 2016! Thank you for sharing your sad but beautiful experience with us.
I loved this tribute to Selma. I was inspired by your friendship and heartbroken at the loss. We all have to face the final chapter but it’s so hard for those left behind.
A loving tribute to friendship. Two lives were richer for it. So glad you shared with us. womenlivinglifeafter50.com
I lost my sister a year ago Thanksgiving. I’m not sure exactly how to describe our relationship. She was my sister, part-time mother and best friend. We could talk about anything together knowing it would go no further. One of the hardest things was deleting her from my auto-dial. I’ll never get over the loss, instead, I try to remember the fun, honest joy, happiness and tears shed together. She had a large heart which happily, I was always tucked into.
You’ll always miss them, in time, the ache in your heart lessens a bit. Just hang on. Remember the love, always remember the love. 💜