I wrote this before today’s walk and it felt timely to put it up right after yesterday’s post, as they’re related. Together, they’re a pretty complete wrap of where I’m currently at. Please don’t worry, it’s all good. ♥
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I’m in my fifties now, and I have to say, it’s a weird time of life.
It’s a bit like going through puberty again – only in reverse, I guess – my body shape is changing (not in a good way), I’m emotional (wept through a Disney movie recently) and my sleep is unsettled.
Somewhat ironically, in August last year, I noticed a significant spike in my anxiety levels. It was ironic because, as those of you who’ve been reading along for a while will know, 2016 was actually the easiest year we’ve had in a long time.
To try to combat the niggliness, I started walking (as mentioned in the previous post). It’s been glorious – I spend an hour outdoors each day, more often than not with Big Boy.
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At the start of this year, I noticed that the walks weren’t quite enough to take the edge off the creeping, hormone-driven anxiety. I decided to add daily meditation to my schedule as well.
Let me begin by saying that I’m pretty content with my life. For years, I’ve worked hard to be mindful – to really enjoy the moment, to be present, and to be grateful for how truly wondrous life is, both in general and in my particular circumstances. To that end, I’ve always viewed meditation as curative rather than preventative medicine. I’ve attempted it on an ad hoc basis during times of stress, and found it emotionally soothing.
Then I watched this TED talk by Headspace co-founder and former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe, and realised that I was going about it the wrong way. Andy sees meditation as daily exercise for the brain – one designed to bring order and strength to it in the same way that physical exercise does for the body…
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My Pete has been saying this for years, but I guess I wasn’t ready to take it in any earlier. He’s been meditating daily since he was 17 years old. And he has the most disciplined brain of anyone I know – it has quite literally protected him (and in countless ways, our whole family) through the many trials he’s faced over the years. So I have a lifetime of hard evidence that the process truly works.
I downloaded the Headspace App three weeks ago, and started the daily ten minute meditations…
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I’d love to tell you that I experienced a sudden and immediate sense of Kung Fu Panda inner peace…but I didn’t.
What I did notice though, was that after the first few days, I seemed to get some of my short-term memory back.
I stopped going back to the car to check if it was locked, because I could clearly remember locking it. I remembered that I’d put washing in the machine that needed to be hung up, rather than leaving it there for days. I remembered what I’d walked into the pantry to get instead of staring blankly at the shelves.
It turns out I don’t have OCD after all, but rather that my anxious brain had simply been laying down poor memories. I wasn’t paying enough attention to what I was doing at the time, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to – I just couldn’t do it. My mind was always racing ahead – planning, imagining scenarios, and often catastrophising. The author Mark Twain once said “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” It’s so true, isn’t it?
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After the second week of daily ten minute sessions, I noticed that I seemed to have more time. Life stopped feeling as rushed. Last Saturday, I started at 6am and was still going at 10pm, having walked for two hours, baked six loaves of sourdough and a batch of brioche rolls, shopped for an hour, washed and dried a week’s worth of laundry, and gone out for dinner with Kevin and Carol. As we ended the evening with a game of 500, it occurred to me that I’d had a rich and fulfilling day, but at no point had it felt hectic. It was as if I had more energy.
My old friend Kevin understood exactly what I was talking about – he practises his own form of meditation by running mindfully for 20km at a time (no headphones, he tells me, because he needs to concentrate on every step).
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I’m now up to day 22 on the Headspace Foundation Series. I’ve paid for an annual subscription (there’s a January promo here if anyone is interested) and have worked up to 20 minutes of daily practice. I still have spikes of anxiety, but they seem to be fewer and easier to manage. I’ll write again about this a bit further down the track and let you know how I’m going.
If you’re interested in trying it out, download the Headspace app and give it a go for ten days. The initial sessions are free and you never have to pay if you don’t want to – you can just keep using those guided meditations. Having said that, I’m finding the paid content very useful!
Fig Jam and Lime Cordial 
My husband’s form of meditation is running . In his younger years he used to run marathons. I used to meditate and do yoga but I stopped and now I have to deal with anxiety attacks. Thanks for reminding me, I will start again.
I have put aside about 3/4 hour a day for meditation for about three or more decades: it has been an absolute joy, quick daily rest, fun, a laugh and such an hours-long relief for the inevitable severe pain I experience every day! To me such is not ‘curative’ nor ‘preventative’, just such a huge fun part of the day whenever! Especially when going ‘walkabout’ with Deepak Chopra and having to laugh aloud when supposedly I am supposed to be ‘serious’ . . .what an adjunct to one’s life! OK: I have to admit I have never ever felt ‘anxious’ unless really relevant, in my life . . . so perhaps feeling-worlds diverge . . .
Celia … I totally know exactly what you are talking about here (nothing wrong but not everything is right either). This year I turn 62, and last year for whatever season I was very very unsettled … things had been building up for the previous two years, but last year I felt lost … and there was no concrete reason to explain why. My dear sister is a year older than me and is a naturopath, she explained to me that I was in “transition” to the next stage of my life, I also ended up seeing a wonderful lady who helped me understand “myself”, and for the first time in a long time I feel like I actually want to take care of myself, go back to doing my daily walks, and feeling the “love”. It does my heart good to know you are on track too to feeling better and more energised again … I have followed you for a few years and have always loved your recipes, energy and insight. You have now encouraged me to look at meditating again … I used to do it years and years ago but had forgotten about it’s worth … thank you once again Celia for your wisdom xo
Very impressive……..you and your husband! I also meditate, Zen, and go to a Zendo once a week…….if we are not up to our buttocks in snow haha I don’t do it for any specific reason which I know sounds crazy but there you are.
Keep it up. Thank you for your honesty.
I went through menopause quite early and still get hot flushes 20 years later. I have learned to live with that. I do sometimes find that my head gets crowded with a jumble of thoughts, but I find that writing some of it down in lists takes the problem away. It is written so I don’t have to turn it over in my mind anymore.
I am going to look into this Celia, thank you. When life gets hectic…which is often, I get increased anxiety, but it has taken me some time to recognize it x
Celia, thank you for sharing your state of mind, it is fantastic how you have found a solution for a better relaxation. My menopause started when I was early beginning of forty and I still get hot flashes, especially at night, yet so much milder, I have met a woman yet who had to suffer from such bad hot flashes as I used to have. Many years ago I started again doing Yoga and it really helped me so much, as years ago I have become a Buddhist and exercise the teaching in a daily practice which gives me tremendous peace and more happiness and balance.
This is very very thought-provoking reading. Like you, I’m in a good place (with the exception of minor temporary issues that really aren’t a big deal in the scheme of things) and yet I’ve been more anxious in the last few months. It’s resulted in increased indigestion and tension headaches, which I can see very clearly correspond to the stress levels. And yet I’m happy, I’m not rationally that worried about the temporary issues, and I am not by nature a stressy person. I often feel my brain is trying to remember or race around too many things, and one of my coping mechanisms for that is to stop and take time out to create a To Do list, more of a reminder list really. That nearly always calms me down, makes me realise the list is perfectly manageable and that I need to stop panicking. But I have never tried meditation, and may well be something I would find very helpful. I am going to look into it. Thank you so much for sharing this, Ceels. x
Being near 60s I feel many times like you described. Lack of energy, my sleep unsettled, etc etc.
When I come back from holidays I ‘ll try and look into this app.
Being near retirement ‘ll give me the time.
Thanks as always for your encouragement!!!
I must get back into it. It is a great app. I have used it at night and the breathing rhythms puts me to sleep like a baby!
Thank you for sharing this, Celia, love. Hopefully the menopause-induced anxiety and sleeplessness will pass quickly for you. It IS a weird (but lovely) time of life. Thank you again for this thought-provoking post. I will look into the app, as I too feel the need to slow down. I’ll also recommend it to a loved one. xx
I am really suffering from menopausal brain fog, so maybe this is something that I should try out!
PS, I loved the TED talk by Headspace co-founder and former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe. Thank you.
I spent 10 minutes meditating today for the first time in years. Now I have signed up with Headspace and can’t wait to begin. Coincidences always happen for a reason I believe. Thank you.
I’ve often wondered how to get started with meditation, I will give this a try. Thanks.
Ps what did you bid on that hand?
7 diamonds. Luckily, I didn’t win the call. :D
I spent a few years during which I experienced spikes of panic/anxiety and thought it was just ‘me’ being ‘me’. It was such a revelation to find that other women also had to cope with this. The panic button seems to have settled down now but there is most definitely a heightened feeling of anxiousness which I have to work at being in rational control of and exercise most definitely helps. I did download a sample of headspace meditation some time ago but felt I didn’t have enough time to sit and do it – which is pretty silly of me. So this has pushed me to give it another go. I’ll be 70 this year and if I don’t give myself time now – when will I get the time! And your walking route Celia is so lovely – it has to be soothing for the overwrought soul.
The first few pages of a book by Suzanne Somers on menopause explained everything for me! I practice contemplative prayer: two 20 minutes sessions a day for peace of mind and clarity , thank you for the Ted talk .
As always ,Shelley http://www.mustardseedopshop.com
I’m so glad to read that you are doing better and that you’ve found meditation helpful. I am hoping to get some guidance when we are at a resort in Sedona later in February, I have always had trouble keeping my mind focussed on meditation (I can do it well for everything else, it’s just meditation that is difficult). I am also going through much of the same life changes as you are (also in my early 50s) and I have found losing 6kg has made a huge difference in my hot flashes (also, not drinking has helped). I shall try your app and see where it goes, thank you.
I am going to try it Celia, the past year (and current one) have been very anxiety producing and I have trouble sleeping. The recommendation is very much appreciated and I am glad it has been helpful to you.
Glad to read that meditation has had such a positive effect on you Celia….I’m a lap swimmer and have always found it “relaxing” somehow. Many times the answer to a problem I have been working on just seems to pop up in my head while swimming…..even if I’m not thinking about it…..strange heh!
Will give the headspace app a try…..thanks Celia.
Thank you for this, I’m up to day 5. You are our Obi Wan Kenobi.
What a coincidence, read the article in Body and Soul insert of local paper and thought, must look into that…made for fascinating reading! That was a few weeks back and then boom, here it is again, a timely reminder about the changes I should (and will) be making, thanks Celia!!
I recognise just what you say about the whole ’50’s’ anxiety and related problems. I haven’t ever tried meditation so will certainly try it – thank you for sharing the link (although I clearly won’t qualify for the January deal now!). I had experienced some of the head clearing qualities of running but, like you, I still spend time checking things I ‘think’ I may have done.
Great post Celia, and I hope that this continues to improve life for you :)
Kim, I just checked and the deal is still on. Having said that, just try the ten free days first and see how you go? You might not like it enough to want an annual subscription! :)
This is a lovely post Celia. 2016 was a weird year for me and as it closed, even without a job, I was much more relaxed. 2017 is not panning out well for our family. Having said that, in my head, I have made a significant change – I no longer feel wedded to the work I have been doing, no longer take my work home with me at night, won’t stay at a job if it doesn’t appeal and am focusing on what is best for me (and Anthony). It will be a very difficult year ahead so I enjoyed your post and some of the resources you have shared.
Bless you for sharing this. We all face demons and we keep it hidden for the most part. I’m going to check out headspace. I meditate too but maybe I’m doing it wrong. xx
First time commenter here, I’ve been following your blog for a year. Thank you for sharing snippets of your life. I’ve found your blog inspiring and positive in a year where I’ve been finding myself, work-wise, with relationships and family. I just tried Headspace and it reminds me to dust off some of my old meditation mp3s.
Thank you so much for this information.
I have been suffering through the menopause and had thought about meditation, but not done anything about it. My anxiety is through the roof! I worry more, and forget more and I loathe it! Sometimes it feels like I am going to crazy. Waking up at night and trying to get back to sleep afterwards is really difficult, and it leaves me drained and grumpy!
I am definitely going to look into headspace.
xTania
Thank you so very much Celia for sharing these snippets!!
Amazingly timely, for me at this moment….
Also thank you for your last blog the photos on your walks I often race past on my way to work and never stopped to notice their beauty!!! xx