Fig Jam and Lime Cordial

New Year is a time when we’re supposed to make resolutions – public proclamations about how we’ve going to improve or change ourselves over the coming twelve months.  I’ve just had a look at the ones I made last year, and apart from the sit-ups, I actually didn’t do too badly.

This year, I thought I’d try something different. New Year is always a time for introspection, but instead of looking forward, this year I thought I’d look back and try to consolidate the things I’ve learned in the past.  Perhaps then I can figure out what resolutions still need to be made.

In no particular order, here are five (quite random) life lessons that I’ve learned, often the hard way…

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1. Life is an adventure. It is full and rich and complex, and therefore, by necessity, parts of it are going to be crappy.

As some of you know, 2012 was a tough year for us. We were bounced around and buffeted by things which weren’t really within our control. But it was also a great year, because Pete, Big Boy, Small Man and I are on a journey together. We laugh, cry, rejoice and mourn as a family.  And as I look around at so many of our friends who are divorced and/or estranged from their children, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the loving, happy family life we’ve been blessed with.

As I’m drafting this post, Small Man keeps coming in to tell me about a new game he’s playing, and Big Boy has gone to buy us pork rolls for lunch.  We have a sixteen year old who talks to us constantly, and a twenty year old who goes out of his way to take care of us.  When viewed in that light, most of the dramas that life throws at us pale into insignificance.

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2. New skills require practice.

I’ve blogged about this before, but I think it deserves to be on my reflections list – simply because it was a lesson that took me so many years to learn.

The flaky pastry dough that I mentioned a couple of days ago is a good example – my first attempt was ordinary, my second attempt much better. In the past few days, I’ve had three more goes at the fraisage technique, and each time the results have been a little more pleasing.

It has taken me until my late 40s to understand that it takes time and persistence to hone new skills. These days, I’m rarely disappointed, disillusioned or surprised when a first attempt goes pear-shaped.  In fact, it’s the things that take longer to master that seem to bring the greatest satisfaction.

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3. People can be shy.

This is something that took me ages to figure out. As you might have noticed (or guessed), I’m quite extroverted, and in the past I would often misinterpret shyness in others for arrogance or indifference.  These days, when I meet someone who appears aloof, I automatically assume they’re shy unless proven otherwise. And I’ve ended up with some amazing friends as  a result.

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4. Contentment takes work.

Philippians 4:11 states, “For I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content”.

Unless a person is gifted with a particularly placid temperament, contentment will always be a work in progress rather than a blessing that falls from the sky.  It isn’t something which comes about when all the stars in one’s personal universe are aligned, but rather a state of mind which needs to be actively sought and cultivated, regardless of life circumstances. This is much easier said than done, of course, but I’m working on it.

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5. Relationships matter.

Family, friends, community – these are the things which define us – more than wealth, career or success.  A loving family matters more than a fancy house; job satisfaction outweighs salary; great neighbours are more important than land values.

As we get older, our decisions on how and where we spend our money are more often determined by the relationship we have with the provider of the goods or service, and less by the actual dollar cost.  We seek out honest tradesmen, specialist providores, ethical meat growers and restauranteurs who truly care about their food and staff.  If things cost more as a result, then we simply buy less.

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I’d love to hear your thoughts, if you’re inclined to share them.  There is always so much more to learn!